I'm a failure

So my brother yelled at me and was frustrated that he bought some stuff for my birthday and said all the money is gone because it was spent on my birthday and said that it was my fault that we don’t have any money.
I told him that if I wasn’t on disability and was able to get him so nice things, I would. I was being nice about it, but unfortunately he didn’t like what I was saying and yelled at me some more. I feel like a failure. I try to keep the house as clean as I can, but it’s not good enough. I’m not good enough,
it doesn’t matter if I’m masking (hiding my neurodivergent quirks so that I’m acceptable to society). Or if I’m unmasking my nerodivergent quirks I’m annoying, and drive everyone crazy, and I get called a crazy lady. But then again no one really likes me anyways if I’m masking or unmasking. The worst thing that I’ve ever done is existing, I’m always lonely, everyone has ever been around me sees me as a disappointment, from how I dress to what I buy, the music that I like/listen to, what I’m interested in, I get told that I’m mean when really I’m not mean at all, I’m just really blunt and sarcastic, and tell jokes to make people laugh, all I’ve ever wanted was to make other people happy, while at the same time neglecting my well-being.i get told that if I smile, then people will like me, if I put on some weight, someone will like me, that my attitude sucks, I’ve been told that I’m boring, that I don’t have a personality, I’ve been told that I’m cold hearted, that since I’m autistic that I must be stupid.


I’m really sorry that things have been extremely hard on you. I’m sure that you were so excited to have some birthday money for yourself and it’s such a shame your brother expected something from you.
Personally I wouldn’t be sharing my birthday money either!

It’s very draining and exhausting trying to keep a house clean, I know very well. There feels like an endless loop of cleaning and washing and more cleaning. It’s enough to make anyone feel like they could snap.

Maybe some people are judging this side of you that is exhausted and stressed and they don’t see the full picture or know what’s going on for you, and I know that’s not okay. I think you carry a lot on your shoulders and are doing a very wonderful job.


You are strong and do your best. I lost my brother 3 years ago. Its been very tough and I am so glad you have a brother that loves you. You are not a failure life right now is just difficult for everyone. Stay positive and say postive things to yourself. I hope this helps.

1 Like