I'm a mess. My life is a mess

Hey friends,

I struggle with depression/anxiety and even have panic attacks at times. So, a few days ago I moved into my own apartment and I was so excited about it all. For the passed few days I’ve been here I’ve gotten so depressed and even been having emotional breakdowns pretty much every night I’ve been here. The worst one was when I got some stuff from the house that didn’t go into the U-Haul and I said bye to Mom, I instantly broke down in the driveway in front of Mom and even on the drive to the apartment. I didn’t want to leave. I’m not sure why this was such a hard time because the last time I lived by myself I didn’t have these breakdowns like this that I remember. I think I got attached to living at moms for so long.

Anyways, on top of all this I work two jobs and I started a new job a little over a month ago for extra income and I was so excited about it but lately I’ve been dreading it now because it’s not something I want anymore. My passion is to be a truck driver, ever since I was a little kid that’s something I’ve always wanted to do. Recently it has gotten to me because I feel like now is the perfect time to do it, but like what do you even do since I just started a new job and just got myself an apartment. This is something I probably need to do on my own, but it’s so difficult. I just wish there was a reset button somewhere or a button where I can start all over. I’m a mess and my whole life is a mess. I’m just not sure what to do anymore.

I just wanted to get this off my chest and see if anyone out there has the same issues as me. Thank you for reading.


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Friend - thank you for sharing this. Well done on the apartment! It can be hard to let go of what you’re used to. Maybe you could plan to chat with someone/your mum every other night on the phone for a while until you’ve settled down into your new home? I’ve had quite a few meltdowns myself over things being too much as well - it’s been reaching out to people in this community that has gotten me through them.
Maybe give the new job a little bit of a time and if you really don’t enjoy it then leave. Keep an eye out for a job in driving - you do what you want to do. Don’t let the fact you’ve just started elsewhere derail you from following that dream. A lot of people quit jobs shortly after getting one because they’ve had the offer of something better. You can still do this.

Hold fast

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Thank you for responding back. That really means a lot to me. Mom only lives about 20 mins or so away so I could always drive there too. I feel like I already gave the new job enough time. I already feel like I know what it all has and everything. I just want to get out on the road, but obstacles are in the way. I feel like people who are in the mid 20s should be doing something they want to do, chasing their dream and I’m 24. I’m still young, but I know what to do and that’s trucking. It’s just when do I start.

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Hey @drobofficial,

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re currently going through. Depression, anxiety, and uncertainty of the future can be really difficult to tackle, and you aren’t alone.

Everyone is different so please take this with a grain of salt. I, too, struggle with depression/anxiety, and I’ve made it a point for myself to avoid living alone because I’ve found that, in respect to my personality type, I tend to quickly spiral downwards when I isolate myself from other people for extended periods of time. Some people love seclusion. You mentioned before that you’ve lived alone in the past and enjoyed it, so it doesn’t seem to be an issue with you (which I’m jealous of!). Also, I tend to have temporary spikes in anxiety (which last about a month) when I uproot myself (geographically) - perhaps this could be why you’re feeling so restless? In the meantime, I’ve developed the following list for myself to utilize when I’m going through periods of severe anxiety, and I hope it helps you too:

  • Take deep breaths every time you think about breathing (via the “4-7-8 method”)
  • Consider taking mood-boosting tablets (Omega 3, 5-MTHF)
  • Get enough sleep (Go to bed early!)
  • Watch/listen to your favorite comedian
  • Exercise (Swim, if possible)
  • Download Headspace and/or Breath (iOS meditation apps)
  • Activate the essential oil diffuser (lavender) and/or mood lights
  • Temporarily change music to something relaxing (i.e. Hammock)

I hope this helps! :slight_smile:


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It’s good to know that I’m not the only one that struggles. There’s things that being alone is good and things that aren’t good. Anxiety has been getting to me a lot lately as well as my depression. I take deep breaths when I am feeling down. I talk to people most of the time too. I also go to bed at a decent time each night as well. I do like to meditate and love the Headspace app, which I should probably use more than I should.

My anxiety is getting to me a lot is because I’m afraid I won’t get into this trucking school and/or have a way to afford it while on top of afford this new apartment with all of the other bills I have to deal with. It’s just all these things throw at you at once. It just sucks that almost everything in todays society involves with money. Adulting sucks and I just need to relax and meditate more and talk to God more about my problems.

I am really thankful that you responded back to this post. It really means a lot to me and also knowing that I am not the only one that struggles with depress/anxiety or even have panic attacks.

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Having these big changes actively happening can trigger anxiety and depression. It is super awesome you have your own place. I’m sure working two jobs is rough and demanding. Have you taken a look at the qualifications needed to drive a truck and how long that would take? It might be worth looking in to doing that now, because it could be really nice to do that as a full time job. Are you actively looking for those jobs, because that could help. Linkedin, Newspapers, and local companies are great places to go looking for work. I highly suggest looking those places.
I am really proud of you for making it this far and I really admire your strength to come here.

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Thank you for the reply. it means a lot. Having my own place is pretty awesome but at the same time, it gets really lonely and that causes me to have emotional breakdowns every now and then. Yes, I did look into trucking and all the qualifications and what not. It’s just when do I start? That’s the thing that is getting me at this point. I just have so much on my mind and it sucks.

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