im haunted by memories of abuse in my childhood i can remember but theres so many memories, theres so many burdens and ive come to grips that this life is meaningless it has no purpose. All it really is self indulgence. And we don’t really know what happens when we die i don’t want that kind of life. There has to be more than this.
My heart is heavy so heavy. Please if any can reach out please do.
Help me please😪
I feel you friend, I never get a break from myself either, i currently want to die, but maybe since nothin is real we can just forget. Im so tired of this.
There has to be something more to this life. See if there is a bigger picture. But if I have to feel this forever I’d rather feel nothing at all.
Hey @ImKnowledge,
You are not alone. Childhood traumas and memories of abuse stick with us for the rest of our life, and once we start to face that reality, it can become overwhelming, and even feel hopeless from time to time. But as much as what happened impacts you and who you are, it doesn’t condition you, and you are going to be able to thrive with resilience, to grow stronger and beyond your past.
For two years I’ve started to truly face my own memories of abuse, of when I was a child and later on. So many times I regretted opening that door, because at least when I was in denial I could have a flavor of life. I didn’t feel as broken as I do now. Though with the right support - therapy, trusted friends, medication, workbooks -, and time, I am finally able to say that there is something else to life than what others hatred and violence have shown us. I still have so much to learn and so much to heal. But getting rid of these layers of pain and shame that never belonged to us is the most beautiful gift we can do to ourselves, even if it’s a long and painful journey. The good news is: you don’t have to walk on that path alone. There are people out there, and people right here, who understand how it feels. People who hear you and truly feel in their core how it is to feel broken beyond repair because people who were supposed to protect us didn’t do it. This world failed us. But we have what it takes to heal and grow. We have what it takes to do better than them. To rise again and not repeat the same mistakes.
You being here and acknowledging your pain, your grief and your heart just as they are is a deep mark of vulnerability and strength. There is more than this. I promise you. But this road is made of many ups and downs, and the downs often feel like we are moving backwards again and again. Yet we are constantly learning and growing each time we don’t give up, each time we trade shame for vulnerability, isolation for connection, rejection for trust.
It makes sense to feel like you have no purpose while you are carrying so many burdens on your shoulders. It makes sense to feel like you’ve only been surviving for so long, and to wonder if there’s something more, if it’s worth it to keep trying. It is worth it. But it’s also okay to slow down a little and think about your different options there. What is working? What isn’t? What are the areas in your life that need to be worked on, and what kind of help and support can you get in order to be helped?
I’m sending lots of love your way. You are loved dearly. None of what was done to you will ever define you. It has an impact on you, but the more you understand it, and the more you will be able to empower yourself in order to be you, to make your decisions, to live the life you want, and not the one that others would have condemned you to get. Seeking your full potential, learning to know yourself, acknowledging your heart and needs is an incredibly powerful way to bring justice to this child that you were, and the person you are becoming.
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