I haven’t posted in a long time…
Maybe that was a good thing.
I regret to say that im posting once again.
So little background story:
I have struggled with depression for a very long time. Sometimes with depression, self-harm comes along and in which I have also done throughout the years as a “coping mechanism”.
About six months ago things changed. I had just discovered a band that literally changed my life forever. I am forever grateful for this band. This band is called HIM (His Infernal Majesty). I was so compelled to listen to Join Me In Death and I am so glad I did. My mental health was still confusing then but it got way better when discovering all of HIM. This band helped me through a lot of stuff. Stuff that I really just now realized. I used to be the most anti social person and now I am far from that. Right after my discovery of HIM I then started a fan account for the band (more so the lead singer, Ville Valo tho) and through that over the span of many months, I have met so many truly wonderful people in the fandom and a bunch of other really nice people just there.
HIM just really aided in my mental health.
Its been months since that special event happened and I feel my mental health has been slipping more and more. Now im still madly in love with HIM, its just… its just i put everything I have into that band. All my emotions and energy went towards that band. That band is literally the only thing that makes me happy. Im so dependent on HIM its not even funny.
Im not sure why my mental health has been slipping… it could be because a lot of things; toxic household, toxic relationship, my past etc. Or it could be the fact that HIM isn’t a band anymore… :,(
When someone asks me “What’s wrong?” And I reply with “idk” I literally mean idk. I cannot tell you exactly what’s wrong because I really have no clue. Like especially right now, I feel absolutely nothing.
I feel nothing but I have heaviness. Its just really a cycle I have to live with. My depression comes in cycles and its so fucking tiring.
If you made it through all this rambling, thank you for taking your time