I just had weight loss surgery on April 2nd 2019. I’ve made huge improvements to my health, and I can successfully ride a bicycle again after 10 years of my own weight holding me back. I was 400lbs this time last year. I was 376lbs when I went into the OR. I’ve gotten down to 326ish lbs (I go in for another appointment tomorrow.
For most of my life, I’ve had to deal with people being rude to me because of my weight. I’ve been emotionally and physically abused by people (mostly male) in the past because of my weight. I once had a sandwich thrown at me and as I was crying and cleaning my shirt off, the guy that threw it told me, “Eat it off the fucking ground like the fat pig you are”. Needless to say I was handed the short end of the stick for a long time.
As an early birthday gift, my parents surprised me with my very own bicycle. Pink, cruiser style and single speed. I LOVE this bike, and I love the independence it has given me ever since I was given it by my parents.
Now for what led to this feeling of rage, worthlessness, and depression. I will be using some pretty aggressive and foul language so I’m sorry if I offend any one.
I decided today that I was ready for the ultimate goal of mine, which was to ride my bike along the water front in my city. I haven’t done so in years. And I felt like I had practiced enough riding around in a near by abandoned parking lot, and I was finally comfortable riding in near other people, and not crashing into anything.
After some fighting with my own fears and anxieties. I decided to take the bus to the terminal downtown, so that I wasn’t too nervous getting to the bike trail.
About 45 minutes into my ride, I was tired, and I decided to take a quick break and sit down at one of the benches at the waterfront. Now it should be noted that there are two different paths. Ones that are strictly for biking, and ones strictly for walking and hiking at some parts of the waterfront as well as paths that are a combination of the two. Which meant that I couldn’t ride my bike in this certain area that I was resting at. And since they have officers around almost everywhere, I didn’t want to get a ticket.
I go to leave and make my way back home (I decided to ride my bike home and save myself the money and time). As I get up and start walking, this group of females walk by me. Now I have headphones on, because it keeps my anxiety from getting too hyper focused while I’m on my rides. My song ends and it’s about to change to the next one. I keep walking.
I hear one of the girls go, “Oh you’re just burning those calories today aren’t you”. In a clearly “Karen-esq” sort of tone. The others laugh. I stopped and I said, “excuse me?”
Her: “Nothing, I didn’t say anything”.
Me: “I heard what you said, what gives you the fucking right to talk to me like that, you don’t know the shit I’ve gone through. I’ve gone through a major surgery in order to get my fucking life back.”
Her: In shock that I would respond that way “Well you were walking the bike, and that to me seemed lazy”.
Me: “I’m walking my bike because this is a PEDESTRIAN ONLY ZONE, I can’t ride here even if I wanted to, not to mention you and your friends weren’t exactly making room for me to get on my bike in the first fucking place, taking up the entire damn path, and forcing me to stay on the grass too. I’m not getting a ticket because of your fucking ignorance”.
Her: “Shut up you-”
Me: “I’ve been riding for 45 minutes before your twat showed up by the way, don’t judge someone when you know NOTHING about them and what the fuck they did prior to what you saw”.
At this point, the other females were apologizing on her behalf. She had walked away, knowing that she was clearly not going to win this fight. I apologized to the friends for dragging them into the word exchange, and we went our separate ways.
I rode for another 45 minutes, on a nice trail. But it was still eating away at me. In the past, I used to turn to food for my own comfort, but I can’t do that now. I was pushing myself to the limit in an effort to get the whole interaction out of my mind. But I’m still fuming over the entire event, and I’m feeling like I’ll never fit in to society and their image of a healthy person. I more so wanted to vent about tho situation because I’ve always struggled with expressing my feelings and thoughts and I would internalize my thoughts often, which led to my eating issues.
Venting about these things especially when you know how it negatively affects you was the best option. Just know we are happy and proud of you for going on this path and actively trying. Many can’t, don’t or won’t. What you are trying to achieve is a hard goal. But, you will do great!
Hey LizardQueen,
I just want to first congratulate you on your weight loss! That is super exciting, and I want you to know that I am proud of you! I hope that you remember and keep healthy motives while doing this, and that you continue to do it to better yourself, and make yourself feel more healthy, and don’t do it for others.
As far as the situation that happened with the girls on the trail, I don’t know friend that’s hard. Often times we look back on situations after the fact, and we think about things that we could have done differently, but unfortunately, we can’t change it. So rather than beating yourself up for what happened, I just encourage you to use it as a lesson learned, and to help you grow and mature in the future!
Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,
Monkey
Hello there,
I’m kinda on the opposite spectrum here, Male that is very skinny. If you can get though this, then you can overcome any obstacles that come your way. Believe me, People are complete assholes. You can do this
Jason