I am so overwhelmed with life’s struggles. I’ve let people down. I’ve hurt people. I’ve tried to make things right. I’ve tried to care for my family but feel like I let them down. My relationship with my wife has been stale for a long time and today, with all of life’s burdens I realized that if I didn’t have my son watching, and needing to see a man struggle and overcome life’s challenges, I would probably find a way to escape this life.This is so hard for me to type. But it’s true. I’m hurting so deeply.
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Every time I dose off, my mind goes into dream mode and I’m somewhere different. And, it’s always a strange place I’ve never seen in real life, with people I don’t recognize. Then i wake up immediately. It’s like my mind is trying to escape actual reality by making up random crap.
I don’t know all of the things that you’re dealing with that are overwhelming you, but I do know that to err is human, and to forgive even more so. We cannot love others without hurting them, without disappointing them and we are all learning and growing and trying to better ourselves. I assure you you’re doing better than you think you are in those regards.
You are brave in admitting these things, and braver still to strive to be the kind of man your son can depend on and look up to. I’ve never been in your position before, but I am very familiar with the very thin line between continuing in a rough situation and wanting to be anywhere else even if it is an unknown, final type of situation. But I’ve always made it through one way or another, maybe not entirely unscathed, but still here nonetheless. And I’m hoping and encouraging you to do the same. Stay strong. Stand firm against that line. Keep reaching out to others- this is not a darkness we can or should face alone. I and many others are here for you and so is your family, no matter how shaky things may seem. You’re brave and strong and good. Keep going. You can make it.
P.S. Those dreams you’re having? You may be right. I’m not a psychologist or a professional in any way, but I too have had those dreams, especially ones where my mind invents a new scenario and friend group/family that I ‘know’ but don’t recognize in a new or really old, familiar place that I used to love when I had been at pretty low points. It’s definitely strange.
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Thank you so much for your encouragement and insight. It truly ministers to me.
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I know life can be hard trust me I know. But you have to stay strong for you, your wife and your son. I know sometimes throwing in the towel sounds like the easier option but its not. People need you and you need them. Talk to your wife be open and honest and talk to a therapist they can help you. Please take care of yourself Friend and know you have worth. XOXO Phantom
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From a daughter whose father committed suicide, thank you for continuing to fight for your son’s sake. I miss my dad so much and am plagued with what if’s. It will be 10 years this August. No matter what you’ve done in the past, if you are trying… you are wanted. Please keep fighting.
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I hope you are not offended by the mention of God or the Christian religion…
I’ve dealt with mental health for over 10 years. Things help and things don’t work in traditional psycho-therapy.
I ran from the Church for over 10 years.
I hated what I saw; the masses had become and the hypocritical hatred.
God healed a crucial part of me… in an instant… and gave me the ability to start working through steps to get better. I still struggle, but I believe in the redemption I have in Jesus and his unconditional love. I still struggle to accept it.
I don’t even know why I’m saying this. I hate preachy people and the last thing I’d ever imagine is typing this on a forum.
He saved my fucking life…
There’s no way he wouldn’t save you right now…
Read it for yourself if you don’t trust the Church.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to encourage me and offer kind insight!
I’m in tears reading your response. Thank you for your encouragement. I’m so sorry for your pain as well! I will keep fighting. God bless you!
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I’m not offended at all. I’m a believer and Christ follower. I’m looking to Him for comfort and to strengthen my spirit and mind. I so appreciate your openness and encouragement my friend. Your reminder to me of his unending love is so needed. Thank you!
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