I'm desperate

I have three life changing options to take that scare me, but I must take one of them, and they’re not pretty.

I am fairly young but quite mature in mentality, I’m usually very relaxed, but my blood pressure has been increasing due to stress and I had a cardiac arrest last week. Not only that, but I’m a very bad student, not because I’m not intelligent, (to put an example I’m over Japan’s median IQ, and I’m about 130). But school is too much to keep with, and my life is reduced to three options.

I start working at a young age and get a shitty job, and be unhappy for the rest of my life, and possibly die to suicide. I can also go through a tough and terrible school year, and try not to fail the next ones. Or alternatively, I can end it all in the willow by my house. I’ve come to considering ritualistic suicide to escape if I fail this year. It would be absolutely dishonouring for me to fail this year, and the humiliation would be too much to repeat the year. Also, I don’t really want to start working, I am too young.

Every night, I just cry my sorrows until I fall asleep, knowing the day I must choose will come.

I would like someone to light this a bit, and give me another option, maybe I haven’t contemplated my possibilities. I just want this to end before I go crazy, and hurt myself and others.


Firstly welcome to heart support, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and talk about the heaviness that weighs on our hearts.
Life can feel so alone when there’s so much pressure to “perform” in a sense. The fear of failing sometimes dims the light of enjoying life’s moments and being able to explore what makes you truely happy.

What does your parents say? Have you expressed your concerns to them and are they supportive?
Do you have school counsellor or even school career advisors? Would it help talking to them about the work load and how it’s impacting you? Maybe they could even help you set a plan for how to get to where you actually want to be and not just where others want you to be.

We may not always choose the things that our parents and people around us want and it can feel like doing that has let them down or is wrong, but we have to live our lives for our own betterment. Sure sometimes we have to do the frustrating and shitty things to get to the other side, but at the end of the day, the expectations others have for us aren’t going to allow us to live our lives to the fullest. One thing I’ve embraced saying to some of my family is “well, get ready to be disappointed!”. Even over small things like cutting my hair. They can learn to embrace the path you want to lead.


Hey @Gascoigne, welcome to HeartSupport! You came to the right place.

10 years ago this month, I was faced with the same 3 choices you’re looking at. I had been in school for 6 years and only had an associate’s degree to show for it. I hated school because it was boring and not compelling. I “knew” I needed to finish school so I could be worth something. That changed one day in March of 2013. I was walking to class, got to the steps of the building, then turned and walked away. I didn’t know why, but I knew with absolute certainty I couldn’t go into that building and sit through another class.

I drove home and told my mom I couldn’t do it anymore. She said “Then don’t. It’s clear to everyone that you’re unhappy in school, but you refuse to admit it to yourself. Take time off. Don’t keep working your part time jobs, try to find a job in your field. You can always go back, but for now you’re wasting time and money and you’re making yourself miserable without getting anything done.” When she laid it out like that, it was a logical no-brainer choice I wish I’d made earlier.

I got a low level drafting job. It didn’t pay much and the office was toxic, but I was working in my chosen field. Three months into that, I was looking through job listings, found one that sounded interesting, and got hired as a mechanical designer at a well-established company, where they took the time to train me up on machine design principles and best practices. Fast forward a year and a half, a recruiter called me about a job at a bigger company with higher pay and more difficult work, where I again asked all the questions I could and asked for the most challenging work until I’d mastered it. Two jobs later, I’m making as much money as most of my peers with engineering degrees, doing the same work, with the same title, at a company that offers me growth opportunities and prioritizes employee wellness and success.

I can pat myself on the back all day long, but the point is that dropping out of school doesn’t doom you to a life of menial unfulfilling work. I really wish there wasn’t so much emphasis placed on higher education, both in primary education and by employers, when on the job training will matter more than schooling anyhow. For now, find a job in your field. You’ll find fulfillment in it, you’ll gain confidence, and you can decide whether you want to go back to school to go to the next level or if you see a career path from entry level. Going for medicine? See about becoming a medical assistant or a phlebotomist. Finance? Start out as a bank teller. Engineering? Start as a draftsman or mechanical designer. Not having a degree has kept a lot of doors shut for me, but the jobs I’ve worked have been with companies that were willing to give me a chance and train me up, and those have been more rewarding and personal experiences than I’d have had with companies that hired based on qualifications alone.

Faced with a dead end, get a shovel and start tunneling out. You are never out of options in life. Times might be unpleasant, but you can always find a way. Good luck :hrtlegolove:


When we’re students, it’s all we can think of. Society is made up of a lot of jobs and careers and occupations.
There may be more cultural based pressure to be academically excellent, but the truth is, not everyone will be and this is not only okay, it’s normal. But we never normalize this.

You DO have options, our ego might tell us that it’s not a great option, but ALL work is honourable. Working hard to be employed, and doing your job IS honourable. Please always remember that.


Hello and thanks for the post. The problem is, that i do need higher education to work the carreers i want to do.

Thanks for the post, but i will sureley be miserable in a job that does not fullfill my needs in salary or in satisfaction. I will eventually end up like my father. He wanted to be an english teacher (in university).

Thanks for the post, I guess I’ll have to try finishing school.