Isn’t it so disheartening to feel that you’ve poured so much into someone, into a relationship, only to watch it crash to the ground? It can be sooooo defeating to feel like “this was the right guy” and then BOOM, it’s all downhill from there. It makes you feel embarrassed that you even chose him, makes you feel disgusted that you were taken advantage of by someone that wasn’t right, makes you feel regretful for all the time that was wasted…it’s so hard to pull yourself out of that shame – especially to cause an end to it – because to end the relationship is to admit all of that weightiness that you don’t want to face…it’s admitting that you made the wrong choice, and that’s so hard to do because then you have to live and face the reality of that “failure”…and so it’s really hard to break free from those negative situations because at the end of the day you really afraid to face yourself, and all of the shame that you fear feeling.
But home girl, I want to remind you of something…you can’t read the future. When you chose to be with this guy, you believed he was a good guy and the right one for you…there’s no way you could have known that it would have ended up like this…and even if you could look back and see signs now, in the moment you were caught up in the hope of being loved – and that is a totally human thing to do…we all want to be loved, and you’re not crazy for wanting that too…instead of feeling so much shame for not having known exactly what was going to happen, you can have the opportunity to learn – what was it that you needed to prevent yourself from going down this path with this guy who was unhealthy? Honestly, what I need most of the times when I make unhealthy choices is a solid group of friends to have helped me see the unhealthiness before I crashed right into it. If you don’t have that group, find it! Or if you do, practice reaching out, practice letting them into your decisions, practice talking to them and listening to them when they tell you things that are against your own opinion…you have the opportunity to learn from this so that you don’t get into it again – but that’s not from a place of shame, it’s from a place of thankfulness…thank goodness that you get this opportunity to learn and not get into another one of those relationships, because it sucked! Right??? There’s no way you could have undone this one or known it would end up this way…give yourself some grace…and then take what you can from it so you don’t end up in the situation again. Also grace, because you don’t want to repeat the same choice now that you know. (And even if you did again…grace!!) I just feel like you could use some self compassion…truth is, you are worthy of it friend.