Last night was suppose to be fun and help me to relax and not think about things. That did not happen. I was going to do something and my older brother wanted to tag along. Long story short my brother has BP 2 and it can be difficult to go out and do stuff with him let alone do anything with him because anything and everything can set him off and when he is manic it is not a good scenario. He comes with and what I was going to do took longer than expected and he starts to get impatient and was saying and doing inappropriate things. He even got so angry that he punched a metal sign and hurt his hand. Once we done at the event we decided to go get pizza. During the car ride he was manic and kept saying all this stuff and all of a sudden I noticed that my heart was racing and that I had rapid breathing. I was trying to calm myself down but could not. By the time we got to the parking lot he went inside and it was in full effect. I think what set me off was that the neighborhood I was in I realized was only a couple minutes away from where my biological father lives. (I did not get along with him eventually I will talk about it but not ready to yet) I am sitting in the car breathing heavy and tears streaming down my face my brother comes back sees me and freaks out because he doesn’t know what to do. Our mom comes and is able to take us home and both of them are trying to get me to calm down. I am embarrassed that I had an acute anxiety attack and that it happend in front of him and then I was thinking if I can’t handle this how am I going to handle future career and educationally goals? I would like to beleive that I do not have anxiety but if I do how can accomplish my goals? I just want things to be different or have the things I am coping with not affect me.
I think it’s so normal to get overwhelmed in these situations. You truly do put up with a thing that I would never say is not normal, but is certainly not something everyone has to experience.
Try to remember it is an added stress and regardless of your love for your brother, I’m sure at times you do feel like a mother or father, when you’re in fact a sibling and that can be daunting for anyone.
I hope you find some peace with the situation. I’ve been the person with panic attacks in public and I just hope some day instead of being stigma’d by society due to some people with a lack of understanding, and as we progress as a civilization it becomes more of a norm, not something seen as a “weakness” because that’s not what it is. Emotions dont make you weak. They make you aware, caring, unique, real.
Sorry for kind of rant. This is my first reply but I want this website to be my home. Also as someone with a brother who suffers from something undiagnosed and causes some often stress beyond belief… just thank you for sharing and making me feel less alone too…
You don’t need to feel embarrassed. Your brother and mother love you, but they may struggle with knowing how to help you in those moments. If it’s possible, you might be able to discuss with them what does or doesn’t help in an attack. It’s okay to let yourself be vulnerable with your family so that you can build a closer connection with them.
Anxiety doesn’t have to inhibit your future goals. If these attacks keep happening, keep track of what triggers you. From there, you can either have a plan to avoid certain triggers or choose tactics to help you through the attack. You can let your mother and brother know your plan for your anxiety attacks so they can help you through or guide you to a safe place.
@Serenity I thank you and appreciate you saying that. It is nice to know that I am not alone struggling with a brother like that. I hope that this place can help you and be there for you. I do care about him but it can be difficult to be near him. I also hope that things get better between you and your brother.
@tromboness I thank you for responding. They are concerned and my mother wants to help me I also realize I have to let her in which is easier said than done. Overall just want to accomplish my goals and not be held back.