I just cant cope, im stressed, im pressured, and i just have a lot of things bottled up. I want to let it out but i dont know if im ready. Im tired cause im carrying weight on my shoulders mentally. It feels like im a child and my emotions are obstacles. I have barely been able to resist the urge to self harm or suicide and i cant keep up with anything let alone make plans. What do i do
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Hey Inferno!
Megs_26 responded to your post live today on stream with some amazing words of encouragement!
Here is a link to the video of her reply so you can watch it yourself.
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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ (Discord)
Hi Inferno, I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so many negative emotions. I hope that you have some ways to distract yourself when you have these urges to self harm. It’s so not worth it to self harm, it just makes things even more worse and complicated. We love you and I hope that you can find help and peace. ~Mystrose
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From: eloquentpetrichor (Discord)
Hello Inferno! I’m so sorry you are feeling all this stress and pressure. Keeping it bottled up definitely can add to the pressure. I hope you can find someone to talk to. A therapist or a friend. Or even a cat, bird, dog, or squirrel. I’m not making a joke; sometimes it can be really helpful to let everything come out to a creature who will not even understand what you say. Just to verbalise everything you are feeling and let the spillway run so the dam doesn’t break. I know what it feels like to feel like a child emotionally and that’s why I’m suggesting you rant and just let all the emotions and thoughts out to someone or something regardless of who or what. I hope this helps some and I hope you find a way to relieve some of the pressure and keep your head up. Just keep swimming 
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From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)
Hey Friend, I’m sorry that you are feeling bad, I wonder if maybe you are more ready than you think if you are writing here? what do you think is stopping you from letting it all out? is it fear of the emotions overwhelming you or that once its all out there is no going back? I do understand the feeling of not wanting to let it all go, I am very similar, for some reason although I am an emotional person I struggle with sharing how I feel when it comes to my own issues but mine comes from fear of people seeing or hearing me break down. It so frustrating that our minds play with us like that. Have you got a therapist? I may have asked you that before. It really would be an idea to speak to someone if your are struggling too much to keep self harm and thoughts of suicide at bay, You and I both know that is not healthy and I do not want you to hurt yourself. You are worth so much more than that. please talk to someone. Much Love Lisa.
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Hi Inferno,
It can be very challenging to take in all that is happening in your life. Hurting yourself is just going to make everything worse both for you and the people around you so that definitely is not the way to go. Find and do something that relaxes you and try to remove that pressure as much as you possibly can. Talk and find people with similar interests and just have a good time. You can do it!
-SuchBlue 
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i know that i can talk to anything and yet it feels like i have eyes all over the world watching me, non living and living, i know its a stupid concept. but it just stresses me out, even being judged by one person is too much for me.
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i dont feel ready, besides the only reason i even post here is because i have SOME idea of whats going to happen, it sounds so easy to just let it all out, but in practice its just terrifying. im just scared that i cant go back or the reaction. its not like you just let it out and thats that.
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Hey @Inferno,
Thank you for reaching out, friend. I can tell that what you describe is something I’ve been experiencing for most of my life - feeling like having all the eyes on me whenever I start to talk, share something or give an opinion… while I’ve wished for a long time to just be invisible and hidden. Reaching out and sharing our most vulnerable side is even more difficult, it makes us feel even more exposed - as the word “vulnerable” implies in itself, we feel like being seen without any mask and without any weapon to defend ourselves.
A BIG part of what has been helping me in learning to tame my own fears and anxiety when it comes to being vulnerable has been to use the Wall here and just to express myself more and more in the HS community. I can attest and assure you that you can use this forum to practice that if you cannot do it “in real life”. To me, it has been a first step in order to actually see that sharing what I’m going through can be received in a safe way, without any bad consequence, and it has helped me to take the step of being more open about my depression with people in my life, also to finally see a therapist. It didn’t happen overnight of course! It’s been a lot of small steps, and some close friends in this community could attest of how many messages I have deleted in their DMs… 
If you feel like bottling up, then you know it needs to be expressed in some way, and certainly not by hurting yourself. I would like to invite you to give a try with sharing what’s on your heart, here. It certainly feels like being at the edge of a cliff and jumping into the unknown… but I want to assure you that we are here, we love you, we’re only wiling to help you in taking steps that would help you, and we can be a safety net for you.
I’m proud of you for making this very first step here. It may feel like a bittersweet achievement to you because somehow you say “I’m not okay” without saying it, but it’s still a way to be present, to be seen, to ask for help, and that alone is an effort that should be celebrated.
We’re in this with you. You’re not alone.
PS - I have made this little drawing for you today. It’s just my way to let you know that it’s okay to be in your own little bubble for as long as you need. Know that we’ll keep loving you in the meantime and we’ll wait as long as you need for you to use your voice the way you’d like to.
You’re loved very much. I see you on Discord and your willingness to hang out with the community, especially during the open SWATs. Your presence is very much appreciated and far from being unnoticed.
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I know i should expose myself but i dont want to be vulnerable, i just feel like once i expose myself then theres no going back. It feels im just jumping into somewhere ive never been or never known. I know that to tame my own fears i need to face them, but what if the fears are too big to face. I dont want to go into the unknown even if i had to.
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I hear you. Jumping into the unknown is one of the most scariest things ever! Some would say “just take a leap”, but it’s not always that easy. It’s normal to fear what we don’t know because then we don’t have any logical grip on the situation. However, something we always forget is that it is through these experiences that they become less and less “unknown”. We build experiences and we learn through it, and familiarity/comfort is something that we learn progressively.
It’s a matter of perspective, a little bit like approaching something very far away from you. With naked eyes, you can’t see anything or even guess what is out there. But the more you walk in a specific direction, the more you can perceive the shapes of what you’re heading for, then the structure of it, then the details, then even more details, and when you are there you’re already familiar with the new place! Familiarity grows through experience, and growth itself happens once we put a foot out of our comfort zone. The first step is the scariest though, that’s for sure!
We can dig a little more into these fears if you want. For example, when you say that there would be no turning back, what do you fear precisely? Judgment/criticism? Being perceived differently? Being rejected? Or even misunderstood? Not knowing what to say? Having to think about solutions? I’m just suggesting a few thoughts/fears that are generally there when we fear something unknown, but it can also be something else, or even a mix of those.
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