Life had sucked, my parents had been just constantly yelling at me and everything was really shitty. So then I started to just stop and " better myself. " And decided to become little Miss Perfect. I constantly revise, I always smile and it sound pretty good but, it fucking blows.
I’m not myself, I just sit in my grotty ass room and do revision. At night I cry even though I don’t know what I’m crying for, I just do. It sucks and I don’t know what to do cause if I go back then I’m just gonna start getting yelled at again.
I know these are just stupid troubles but I hate this and I don’t want to keep crying about it for no damn reason. Thanks for listening, sorry for the anger.
Thank you so much for sharing with us! You are loved! You matter! You are cared for greatly! You are worthy of all of this for being just the way you are and for being human. You have the strength of being your own person by replying to us and being right with us now. Thank you so much for showing your own person with us. You have not shown any anger, and you have not shown us anything but true emotions which are completely ok to have. I did not see anything but someone who wants to show us who they are, what they are able to do, and what they have in their life. There are so many positive things that I am sure you do. Thank you so much for sharing with us. You are loved for who you are! You matter for being who you are and what you are! And you are cared for the person you are. You are worthy of a happy life free from these feelings and you are worthy of an encouraging life!
Hey there friend! Thanks for sharing with us! And your troubles aren’t stupid in any way, they are worth listening to and working through. And it’s good that you’re here and talking about it! Letting out those feelings is important. Putting on a facade is mentally exhausting, and I understand the feeling. For me I was putting on a facade in front of my friends so they didn’t see my depression and imperfections because I was scared they would leave me. After a while though it became too much and it felt like I had lost all capability to be a normal, emotional human being. I wouldn’t consider it “going back”, more of rediscovering your true self. Your parents react the way they do, and that’s not your fault. You are not responsible for how they see you, only for what you make yourself. If you haven’t already, reaching out to a professional could be a good idea. They would be able to help you work through how overwhelmed your’re feeling at the moment. Until then, take each day as it comes. Being true to yourself and realising that perhaps you’re not little miss perfect is ok. Don’t let your fears of the unknown stop you from becoming who you want to be. You can’t always make others happy, and in those situations, focusing on yourself is the best course of action. You are very much loved and supported here, and we would love to hear how things evolve!
Thank you so much for being here and sharing this. The things you describe are definitely not stupid struggles. Struggles in themselves are never stupid. They just have a reason to be, and that’s okay. But as you don’t really find a space to express them where you live, it can be tempting to try to dismiss how you feel as not being important enough. I’m proud of you for not listening to that voice though, for being here and sharing what’s going on for you. It’s a huge step and a positive way to stand up for yourself and your needs.
It’s unfortunate that your parents were constantly lying at you before. More often than not, parents want the best for us, but they don’t always communicate that the right way. Like any other human being, they also need to learn that kind of thing. The dramatic consequence though is that you feel this need to put on a facade and fake everything. That’s indeed not fair, because your vulnerability is not something to be ashamed of and shouldn’t be a cause of arguments. You are not at ault for feeling how you feel and your voice deserves to be heard.
I don’t know why your parents yelled at you in the past, if it was because you shared how you feel or because of things related to daily life. It if was for minor things and if they don’t know how you truly feel though, it might be worth it to try to have a calm conversation with them and to try to make them understand that you are struggling and need their help. As we grow up, our relationship with our parents can be pretty chaotic sometimes and make us feel like they would dismiss anything coming from us. It’s not necessarily true though. Oftentimes, arguments happen when vulnerability is not shared, when the real issues and struggles are not discussed, which leads to miscommunication and misunderstandings. But again, I don’t know what were the cause of your arguments before. Just encouraging you in reconsidering the possibility to talk to them if both of you actually never had a conversation about how you feel really. They might you to help them help you, to make them understand what you’re experiencing deep inside, and how they could try to support you.
In any case, know that you are not alone. We genuinely care about you right here. It’s okay to let your anger out here, or your sadness, or any other emotion that feels too much to process only by yourself. This is a safe space to do so. It’s healthy to talk and to release the pressure when it’s needed. You’ll never have to bottle up things and wear a mask right here. You are loved just right as you are.
@HS_John
Thank you so, so, so much, this has really helped me. Things are getting much better. I have found some online friends (who I have face timed with to make sure they are legit and I’m not giving out personal information) and I can talk to them about stuff easily and be who I really am. Life can still sometimes be rubbish, but it is what it is. I’ve got closer to my friends and I go out to the fields with them on the weekends with our bikes. I hate to be corny, but life is really starting to look up.
Thank you, again, this has helped me so much. Hope you have a good day, and happy pride from England!
Hey @lunaashleigh - our pleasure. It sounds like you really are navigating this well and are taking great steps. I’m so glad life is looking up, and thank you for your words. Happy Pride!
