I’m not dropping any names but for some back story to this
We’ve known each other for close to two years
I’m gay/panromantic. What that means is sexually speaking I only hold attraction to other men, but romantically I am attracted to whomever is applicable. I find people beautiful and all that, just not always sexually so in most ways.
I’m a dude, she is… not. I am willing to bet shes not interested in me, and I have my own baggage to sort through because I’m still getting over some personal deaths and stuff like that. Even despite that (this is something i’ve felt and i’ve thought long and hard about and still need advice after months) I can really see this working… Just not now. It’s been a feeling for a long time and I doubt the feeling is mutual and that is ok with me. She is an amazing friend who has supported me immensely through my hard times (I hope i supported her too) and my good times. She is an incredible person and has always made me feel inspired to keep pushing and to continue to do art and music and breathe until the next morning comes.
With the trauma I went through and the struggles i’ve had and the abuse i’ve witnessed I don’t want anyone to ever feel that way and I dont ever want to risk accidentally hurting someone. It makes me feel unlovable and it makes me scared to love and honestly… im in love.
I wish this person would just say something about this and maybe help provoke me into saying something because I really want to but i suck at this stuff.
EDIT I would never want to make anyone in this community uncomfortable or feel unwelcome which is why I tried to keep this post sorta bland in detail and one of the main reasons I likely won’t ever tell this person who she is. Any risk of breaking that friendship or causing drama at all is just not worth it to me.