I'm gay, now what?! (Sexuality, Grief & Happiness

I have identified as bisexual for years now (out to everyone except my family)

But last week I realize that I’m just gay

While I am happy for myself there is some grief

I’m sad that I’m not out to my family at all. I plan to be out to them once I begin a serious relationship.
I’m also sad because I feel a sense of loneliness too. I haven’t felt like I truly been involved in anything pride related before; even when I was out as bi.

Another thing thats hard is relationships. I have been happy being single all year. Now I feel capable of letting my guard down and entering the dating world.

I downloaded a dating app and a few guys have my attention. There’s this one guy in particular, he’s in the same student org as me & has been active in the groupchat for it. He hasn’t been to a meeting yet so I haven’t introduced myself yet.

I didnt want to talk to him on the app since I expect to see him eventually since we’re in the same org. I value face to face / natural bonds with people anyway.

I just don’t want to get my heart broken and/or get obsessed with this guy I’ve never met.

I realize I may be completely out of the loop when it comes to crushes since I’m 18 finally figuring out my sexuality

7 Likes
  1. congratulations.

  2. Take things as fast or as slow as seems right to you. There is no correct answer.

  3. Communication is important. Mention where you are at early on and how fast you want to go somewhere early so anyone that you expect to be intimate with…you know physically or just emotionally is aware where you are at and if you need any extra care, etc.

  4. Dude you’re 18. Not to scare you away but if you are typical you will have heartbreak in your future. Most of the time people take time to figure out what they really want & take time to figure out who they are themselves. People will enter into relationships with the best of intentions and then life happens. People change, other people don’t change enough or too much, we just fall super hard in love with someone else… Its usually at least a little bit messy for most people.

  5. also, dude you’re 18. You have so much fun, learning, love, new experiences a head of you. Its hard not to be a little jealous. Be kind, they to be self-aware, try to communicate with your partners (including listening) and you will be way ahead of the game.

Have fun, be safe.

5 Likes

From: twixremix

hi friend,

thank you for sharing this update on how things are going for you. congratulations on learning more about yourself! this is your journey so thankfully you can set the pace and timing of everything to what you feel comfortable with. once you feel that the time is right to come out to your family, you’ll know and be ready. i’m really proud of you for getting to this point of feeling ready to enter the dating world - this is probably something you’ve worked really hard on so i hope you feel proud of yourself as well! wishing you all the best in connecting with this guy in the same organization as you, let’s hope he goes to a meeting soon!

regardless whether the current guys you’re looking at work out or not, you now recognize that you have the strength to put yourself out there. you got this! hope you have a ton of fun and learn more about the people around you and yourself during this new chapter in your life!

love,
twix

4 Likes

From: Rohini_868

First of all, it must feel so good to know yourself, and it must be both exciting and a bit nerve wracking to begin this new adventure. I have to commend you though - you sound like you’re being very wise in your approach to dating and your interest in this new person. I like the fact that you know what you value, and you’re giving yourself the space to wait until you meet up in person.

You said:
I have been happy being single all year. Now I feel capable of letting my guard down and entering the dating world.
This is PERFECTLY what we should do when we’re single. Be happy, get to know ourselves, and then enter a relationship when we are ready. You’re 18, the world is ahead of you, for some of us 18 is a little ways away in the past (lol), but I remember it being a time of great discoveries, lots of emotions and lots of learning and lessons. We’ll always be here to talk you through a difficult situation, or to give you a pep talk when you need it. Heart breaks happen, and they can be intense, but it’s a part of life, don’t let that hold you back!

Thanks for sharing this with us. You matter and you’re loved, for being you :slight_smile:

4 Likes

Hey OMAMfan,

It seems like you are pretty excited to be putting yourself out there in the dating world. Seems like you are ready, and you’re putting the time and effort into meeting someone. Great for you! As someone who has done the online dating stuff in their adult life, I can say this: It has it’s ups and downs. (Actually, being online doesn’t change that - dating has it’s ups and downs.)

Enjoy the ups, and figure out exactly what you want out of a partner. Don’t settle, don’t compromise. Find what you want, and go for it. If you hit a down… it will be OK. Might take some time, but it will be OK.

You got this.

5 Likes

Hello there,

I want to commend you on having a good head on your shoulders about all of the things currently going on in your life. Relationships are difficult no matter who you are & they can have their own kind of beauty as well. You are in a season of life where you are still learning, growing & discovering different parts of your life. There’s no rush. Things & people find us when they are meant to find us.

Gretta Ray said it in one of her songs, Vienna, “Slow down, you’re doin’ fine
You can’t be everything you wanna be before your time…” This might be the start of something amazing & I am incredibly proud of you. You have wisdom beyond your years. Thank you for being a part of this world. You are valid. You are strong. You are enough. You matter.

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

4 Likes

From: Mamadien

OMOMfan it’s good to hear about how you are doing. It sounds like college is giving you a real sense of being able to decide who you are and who you want to be. Getting into dating in college can be a bit unnerving regardless of how you identify sexually. But this is that time in life that most of us do really start to figure out who we are. Take that time to meet and date and get to know others. Enjoy getting to know yourself in the process. You sound like you have a great start on this already. Keep us posted on how you do.

4 Likes

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you so much for this post, there is kind of a mixed bag of emotions here isnt there, firstly, I am really pleased that you have now identified as gay and are happy with that, it must be a big thing to finally have that knowledge in you so that you can move forward and start making plans and looking for a long term relationship. With regard to the next part of your post, the part of lonliness being single, letting your guard down and the whole dating world, please know and I dont know if you are going to find this pleasing or not but this is not just you, this is not about you or your sexuality, this is what almost every young person goes through at some point, we all have to find ourselves and then begin to find others and there is always that lonliness and fear that goes along with it. It is a scary time as you just never know what is around the corner however it can also be an exciting and liberating time if you are careful which from reading your words you seem to be very aware of yourself and others so I am pretty sure you are. I love the way you talk about natural bonds, internet dating can be a little strange albeit the norm these days, again just take care and be self aware. I think you are gonnna be just fine, I think your life is just beginning and I wish you all the luck in the world. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

4 Likes

I understand your fears. But you can be afraid of relationships for your whole life. In the end, it’s always difficult to just start then it will be easier.

1 Like