Yesterday I had another mental breakdown, I punch myself in the head, bang my head into the steering wheel and had bitten my arm. I was in an public parking lot and everyone was there. Even thou I was in my car, it was the most humalting feeling of my life. Im 28 years and act like 5 year child, I cant control my emoitions, no matter how hard I try.
Im giving up on trying to make myself better, Im admitting defeat. I dont care about my mental health anymore, I dont care about trying to find a girlfriend. Im also going be cutting out my friends out my life. I dont deserve love or friendship. I can not hande relationship in any kind. Im too self center and I cant control my feelings.
I wish I could be normal human being, I wish I did not have to self harm or suffer like this. I even wrote a suicide note today. Im not going to kill myself yet, but soon or later this disease is going to kill me. I made a tons of mistakes and develop evil thoughts in my head. Sometime I want to take my pain out on others and hurt them bad.
Im greatful that I dont have childern, I should never be a father and im thinking of getting surgery to make sure I dont have childern.
I dont know if I can ever get better.