I'm going to kill myself, there's no other way to me

Sorry for my bad english.

I’m 33 years old. The reason why I will commit suicide is to avoid the prison, probably I’ll get 9 years. But, there’s a life after prison, right? Not for me. Not for me because I know miself, I don’t have any mental structure to get a time in prison, probably I would end up going crazy, even more depressed, and looking for any way to kill myself. Moreover, even if I survive prison, my life would never be the same, it would be worse and I would not be able to deal with it, so it is better not to waste time and avoid all this suffering.

I am completely destroyed, I cry every day, the only woman I ever loved in my life, left me and went back to her ex, I didn’t have the emotional conditions to continue in my job. There’s no more hope for me, and when hope dies, your life ends.

I am very sad for my mother and my family, they will be very sad, they will suffer a lot … but I KNOW that all these things that will happen to me are too much for me, for my heart, they are beyond all my strength.



Hoping this song speaks to you.



Listen things may seem hard now but that doesn’t mean that everything is lost. You don’t know what will happen after prison. 9 years is a long time and anything could happen. You can change. And all hope isn’t lost. Just think about what good could come out of this. You find a new job your happy at. You become proud of yourself for working hard. And you cherish the moments you have with your family. You are strong. Strong enough to get through this. Strong enough to do this. And I know it’s scary. I know it’s terrifying and it may seem pointless but it’s not. Your life isn’t pointless and not worth it. You are worth it. You have value and are loved. You deserve to live. And I know it’s going to be hard. But you are strong. I know you’ll make you. You just have to take a leap of faith, in yourself. You don’t know what good could come out of this time in your life. Maybe this is a turning point for the best. You should talk to someone and reach out for help. I know things can and will get better for you. You just have to hang in there. Try the link below. I think this is what your looking for. Please reach out for help and reconsider this decision. The world wouldn’t be the same without you, it would be worse. Your life has meaning.


My son was in and out of prison several times. The last time was a six year stretch. I think combined sentences added up to more than 10 years.

He’s been out of prison for nine years now. He’s holding a job and living with family. He is a very different person from who he was when he got put in prison. I don’t know how it is in other states, but in Florida there’s this thing called gain time, were if a prisoner behaves himself, his sentence is reduced. I think my son had three years taken off his term.

There are public and private programs that help those who have been incarcerated, established a livable situation.

The fact that you are here tells me that you are the kind of person the world needs.

Prison is really rough, but you can survive it. On the other side of this hellish experience, you will experience times of joy. Please keep that in mind.


Thanks, a like metal music.


Thanks, I really appreciate your words, I still have some time to think about that.

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Can you tell me more? And thanks!

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Well, he was a very difficult child, and not without good reason, because his dad (me) worked very long hours, and was generally burned out when at home. Unbeknownst to me, his mom was very abusive. She was also a closet alcoholic, and I didn’t know how bad things were at home until it was too late. When he was nine, his mom attempted suicide. That made him feel as though she didn’t care for him. Actually, it made us all feel that way. After that, we did get some family counseling, and she also received therapy. Things were better for a while, and she had me convinced that she was doing a decent job of parenting when I was not around. Sadly, that improvement didn’t last.

He became, as one therapist put it, “the most hardened child that he had ever seen.” He began sneaking alcohol and his mom’s pills from about the age of 11. He proceeded to steal things, and break into people’s houses. At 15, he broke into a car, and stole a cop’s gun. He had several stays at juvenile detention. I could not reach him, nor could anyone else. Virtually all his crimes were done in pursuit of drugs and alcohol. When he was 18, he was charged with murder, but the court decided that it was self-defense. He continued to steal things and began selling drugs.

Of course, he kept getting arrested, and served progressively longer prison terms, until he finally served six years in a single term. So, when I think about it, he spent much of his life from the age of 15 until he was 31, incarcerated.

I visited every chance I got, also wrote letters, doing my best to convince him that his future did not need to be the same as his past, and he didn’t have to keep going back to prison. I think he finally came to a decent level of understanding and hope. For the past 11 years, he’s been doing all right. The worst he’s done, is drink too much, but he seems to have that under control now as well.

He had a son, who pretty much grew up without him, but now they are together, and a lot of healing has occurred.

As an ex-felon, it’s not easy to find employment, but he has worked steadily as a painter, until recently he has become a phlebotomist. These days, he has fun sometimes, with his son and significant other. He lives in New York, and I live in Florida, so we spent a lot of time in Facebook video chat.

The only way to know what the future holds, is to be there for it. The past does not dictate the future. You should have access to training programs while you are incarcerated, also when you are later released. There are support groups and ministries in prisons. Even if you don’t believe in religion, being connected to such a group could make things easier for you.

You have created a major challenge for yourself, but through the experience, you can gain a powerful wisdom.

You might even be in a position to help others, either survive or avoid prison.

I wish you well. I have faith in your strength. I know it’s within you, even if you have yet to discover it.


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