Honestly.
I’ll be truthful.
I’m not okay.
These past couple of nights, it has taken a lot of effort to just distract myself from suicidal thoughts.
I know I matter, but things get tough. Life gets tough.
Things get in the way and it’s sometimes just hard to be positive.
I don’t know what to do 
But yeah…
Thanks friends.
Hi @DuckMakesThings, I want you to know that I see you and I hear you.
Life is extremely difficult right now for so many reasons but any and every reason you have, is completely valid.
Its ok not to be in a positive mood when you’re going through hard times but Im proud of you for putting in the effort to cast out those suicidal thoughts, these last few days. Sometimes, thats a huge battle in itself. Celebrate all your successes, even if they seem small.
I care about you and want you to know that you’re not alone in this fight. The days I cant get out of bed, I look at a note I have saved in my phone that has a list of affirmations/activities that transition me into a better state of mind. Having a list really comes in handy on those days that I cant think straight or even remember what I normally do to feel happy.
I also save encouraging texts, notes, and emails I’ve seen over the years or have received from people I know and save them to an album in my phone. This helps me remember that there are people that care about people like me, especially on the days I feel really alone.
I’ve also started to look for new ways to do the same ol things to avoid burnout on my day to day routine. I try to associate or do something fun with those tasks that scare, bore, or challenge me. Hopefully this post can be the start of your own “Affirmations and Activities” note on those days that seem particularly gloom. Sending you all the positive thoughts and prayers, my friend.
Affirmations:
-The way you feel right now is completely valid.
-You are not alone.
-You matter and are incredibly valuable.
-There is no time table on healing. Its ok to be fine one day and a complete mess the next day. Its a messy process, just keep going.
-We all make mistakes but we are not defined by them.
Activities:
-Go outside for at least 15 minutes and breathe fresh air while stretching/meditating in the sunlight.
-Play songs off your favorite’s playlist and sing along to them.
-Watch funny videos or cute animal videos.
-Reach out to a friend and see how they’re doing.
Hey Darian - I appreciate you sharing your pain with us, it takes a lot to admit that we’re not OK to even ourselves sometimes, even more to other people. So thank you for coming here to post. In addition to what Kaycee recommended (LOVE the idea of saving those kinds of things to your phone!!), I wanted to also point you to this website:
It’s an interactive self-care guide that just helps you check in with yourself pretty thoroughly.
It’s definitely hard to stay positive all the time, but I hope you are able to find moments of joy in your day today!
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