In 8th grade I struggled with social anxiety and it was so hard to live with. I looked forward to high school as a time of rebirth so I could move past from that, but I only struggled with lonlieness (I switched to homeschooling for reasons aside anxiety) . After all of that I was ready for a new school year at an actual school. I was only ever looking forward to and really living for things to get better at this school. Everything I hoped and lived for the past two years…
This now feels like a waste. Since I’ve been at this school there’s been students who act crazy and one in particular sounded dangerous when I talked to him. I’ve mad friends but it’s hard since I’m the new kid and they know everyone. And I hate too that I made a joke in class that I felt may have insulted a classmate of mine. I apologized (and even worked with him in a group thing after the incident). He said it was okay but I still felt really really bad for it. Plus my parents are struggling with their personal stuff and got in a fight at the beginning of the week that triggered alot of this this week. While it was verbal I’ve never heard them yell so loud. Since they’ve seemed fine at the least. But it’s been more constant lately that their agitated.
I don’t think things have changed for me. And I really don’t see when things will. Even when I think about how better my life can be I’m still sad and tired. Even a teacher noticed I was feeling low last week. I stayed and fought for a better future for me. Just like last year I thought it was over. And one year later everything I lived for feels like it was a waste. I’m praying and asking God for help. I know he hears me. I just don’t know if I can continue. I don’t want things to ruin with my new friends and things might already be crumbling. I don’t want my family to crumble. My life feels worthless.