I'm in major denial

So, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

I was diagnosed with early onset osteoarthritis… An untreatable degenarative disease, that, in a few years could be twice as bad as it is now… I’m already unable to grip things for long periods of time and getting major pain in my hands and wrists to the point i can barely move them… I had 2 opinions on this and a bunch of tests run, but, maybe they were wrong… it could be carpal tunnel right??? just because 2 doctors said its probably not doesnt mean it cant be??? I can’t have fought this long to stay away from drugs to have to go back on them in a few years time… The severity of where my mum is at, natural alternatives haven’t worked, and apparenlty by 35 I could be there… Meaning I’ll be back on all those pills that I’ve had to fight so hard to stay away from… Why??

I can’t hear out of one ear, but when they checked it, there was no blockage or infection, so they don’t know why I can’t hear anything…

My only chance of moving out any time soon was with my best friend. A real nice 2 bedroom apartment, completely affordable when split between 2 people, within walking distance of work came up on the market… but when I contacted her - she decided she no longer wants to move out and so I can’t afford it on my own. Now I’m stuck with all this crap in an abusive household where all I want to do is die all the damn time. I don’t know what to do anymore

Maybe this is my sign to just give up…

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Since I replied to you privately, I won’t repeat what I said to you, here. But I love you.

I know you don’t believe it right now, but you are so much stronger than you credit yourself. You say you aren’t, but how would you be where you are now if you weren’t? It takes strength to make the progress that you have made thus far.

Don’t under credit the things you have accomplished. You may not be exactly where you want to be yet. But that doesn’t mean you are weak.

Take a deep breath. Take a deep look into your options. Sometimes we have to take it upon our self to research and fight for our health. Doctors are there to help you along the way. Yes, doctors can make mistakes but it’s important to listen to them. And if you feel there may be something they are wrong about, talk about it.

You can come through this. It doesn’t have to control you or your life. You can rise above it! I shared some links in my latest post. In it, is a link to a youtube video where a girl named Martina is opening up about her experience with not only depression but chronic pain. I think you should consider listening to those. There is also a link to a youtube video that is a meditation video that is about 15 minutes long specifically on learning to love and have gratitude for your body. Even if you may battle with pain or illness. Consider it. <3

Here. I’ll post them for you.

And here is a link to the rest of the links I shared for when you are feeling anxious, stressed and worked up. Or just need something to help you wind and calm down.

I love you.