I'm isolating just not ok. I'm just so very very tired

My mental health isn’t good dude im so fed up with this life. I’m so tired of struggling for the past 4 years of these circumstances I’m tired I’ve been tired for most of my life trying to keep telling myself it won’t always be this way. And as I continue to walk this life this journey its just to difficult… I dont have faith in .yself to want to keep going I’m just tired so very tired thinking man does this life really have all this to offer?

I have 6 weeks til I’m homeless living on people’s porches, i tried so hard to keep finding jobs 7 jobs now and just been turned down I have a clean record everything. I’m stuck making 150 or less a week it depends on my hours if I get 16-25 part time making 11 an hour.
I got nobody, no real friends to go and look for any kind of help and my family just isn’t good. I am afraid to ask them because of the many years dealing with so much wrong. It was constant physical and mental abuse. I dont want to go to detail it’s not necessary.
I stopped taking drugs but everyday I’m so tempted to go back to the old friends just to do it again just to feel something again because I got to be honest with you I feel so numb. I feel dead inside everyday because I am so tired of the constant struggle with this life.
I was homeless for 8 months before 2 years ago i lived in a tent I was safe, but it was rough.

I just want to be ok, I just need a break like even just some peace dude. I need a job and everything will be solved. But man this life has to be more than just this.

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Dear DeadlyKnowledge,

Wow! It makes my heart hurt to hear all that you have had to endure the past 4 years. It is incredible you have made it through so much already; I just know you have the ability to hang on until the next door opens. You are not alone. I am cheering for you to move forward with the hope and belief that there is more to life than heartache and suffering because there is. I know this personally. You will make it through-praying.

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I’d be tired too. 4 years is a long time. You seem trapped in a continuous loop of negative thought patterns. When that happens, even when solutions appear, they can’t be seen. One thing that might help is to find a way to clear your mind, or meditate. That can temporarily put the brakes on the thoughts that are trapping you.

You need to talk to someone, preferably a professional who can help free you from self-defeating thoughts. If you’re at a loss as far as who you can reach out to locally, call 211. That number is good in most communities as a resource to help people who are suffering in one way or another. They can help with getting a roof over your head, and the other problems.

You are self-isolating and very tired. At any point, have you allowed yourself to completely relax, without thoughts of regret or guilt? You don’t deserve to be treated the way you’re treating yourself!

As I already mentioned, talk to someone who can put you in touch with the reality of who you are, including your potential and inherent worthiness.

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Friend, sounds like a pretty rough situation you’re in. I’m not sure where you live, but just an idea. There are temp agencies that you could apply to. I worked for a lumber yard and they had people to come help cover people who went on vacation etc. We ended up hiring a few because they were really good. So, just an idea. I hope that you can climb out of this like you did when you were homeless before. You are resilient and I have faith in you. ~Mystrose

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From: twixremix

hey friend,

thank you for being here and letting us in on this vulnerable time in your life. the stress that is weighing on you is understandably heavy and i hope with the love and support from all these replies can provide some hope. if we focus on the job search aspect, i feel like a lot of the other stresses will lessen considerably, such as the temptation to turn back to drugs in order to feel something again. with what you shared about being homeless for 8 months before, how were you able to pick yourself back up and find stability again? i am here for you as well as your entire heartsupport community to help you replicate that solution in order to keep a roof over your head. i wouldn’t stop applying to jobs though. whether it be in retail, food services, temp agencies, etc. there IS hope for more hours, better pay, and stable income. what are some jobs you would get the most out of and be all-in for to do as work? i am more than happy to help talk through job options with you, feel free to tag my HS username @twixremix if so! i believe in you to conquer this and keep finding a solution. it’s tiring, i know, but you have to keep fighting because a better tomorrow is in your future. i know this for a fact.

love,
twix

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for posting, you have a heck of a lot on your plate don’t you and I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation. I would like you to know firstly that you now have friends, you now have a community of people that will do our best to support you on your journey and you are free to post here anytime you like. Its so hard to find work now with since the pandemic, I get that. have you tried agencies? I don’t know much about them but I do know that you can put your name down so it may be worth looking into and putting your name down whilst you are looking for other work, I guess to get your name in as many places as possible is a bonus. Friend there is more to life and I admire you so much for not going back to drugs, It would have been so easy to just go back to that, to use it as an excuse but you have been strong and I want you to stay strong. You don’t need that, you will find a job because you want it and you are trying hard and you damn well deserve it. I have faith in you and we at heart support are all here behind you. Please stay in touch with us and let us know how you are getting on. Much Love Lisa x

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From: Micro

Hey friend,

Gosh I’m so sorry that you have been put under so much pressure lately. I’ve been homeless myself, a long time ago, for less than a year like you, and the fear of being this situation again is really high whenever I’ve been through some financial or job instability. Not only you’re dealing with the “normal” stress and frustration of that process, but there’s also this ghost from the past that keeps being there… even if it wasn’t that bad, as you’ve said, it’s not something wanted nor deserved at all.

Rest assured that your efforts are seen, even if the employers that you met so far didn’t offer a positive response. What you are doing is not made in vain, friend. You still still learn each time and become more and more used to these interviews and recruitment process, which is a real strength compared to other potential people to hire.

You deserve to be supported during this stressful journey. I’d strongly encourage to check out our Action Groups on the HeartSupport Discord server, because what you’ve described in your situation really makes me think that being in one of these groups could be helpful to you. You could use some support and encouragement there while navigating the job hunting process, which can be so draining and daunting when done alone. You don’t have to be alone.

On a different note: you know drugs are not the solution either. You are exhausted and it is ABSOLUTELY valid to feel numb, helpless somehow. But drugs would only give you an illusion of control and sensation. If you need to feel something, could exercising be an option? It’s a good way to release some energy, some endorphins too. All in all, please listen to this voice in your mind that knows that drugs are not the way to go. There is hope, friend. There are healthy ways to cope. Don’t give up on yourself, and make sure to be supported along the way. Again, Action Groups and this community are here, too. Don’t navigate those struggles by yourself. You matter. You’re loved. You belong, even when everything in our society gives you the impression that you don’t. YOU BELONG. <3

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