Is this the time?
Will I turn back again just like the other times?
Is it okay to cry again for the same person that I know won’t change?
If I didn’t know I loved you before I do now.
My heart aches and my soul hardens
You didn’t care to change
You didn’t want better for us
You didn’t want to help me achieve our goals
You didn’t really love me
I love you enough to leave so you can find someone that can make you happy
I love our daughter enough to rather her see me make a better feature for her as a single parent then to hear me cry day after day after nights in our marriage.
I love myself enough finally to take charge and to do better for myself so our daughter won’t become as pathetic as I am.
Nothing is set and stone until we actually leave, is what I keep forgetting. But when we do, I won’t be crying over you…all wounds take time to heal.
Phew – this is brutal. Sounds like a heart stomped one too many times finally snapped back and feels the venom of every unaccounted for sin.
Marriage is intentionally difficult to untangle, but in situations when you need to, it proves a difficult exit.
It can be so scary to be on the edge of a threshold you wish you never had to cross.
Especially having someone else’s life in tow, fearing what it may do for them, hoping it is the right choice, knowing it is, but then fearing it may not be, but then trying to fight to believe it is again.
There’s so much entangled in your heart and story and past and relationship. It’s hard to tell north from south, all you know is you’ve felt lost for too long, and you need a new path.
Is it brave to leave or brave to stay? Staying hasn’t led to any change, so you feel the only remaining option is to leave, because the fog has yet to lift by staying; it has only gotten thicker, and it’s suffocating now. For you and your daughter, and it is that threat that forces your feet to move.
Doesn’t make it easy, but you’re hoping that the necessity of the situation will at least help you try.
Wow friend, thank you for sharing this vulnerability with us here. I can’t imagine the pain and confusing you must be feeling right now. How do you leave someone you love deeply but is hurting you? How do you decide if it’s better to love them or love yourself because right now it feels like you can’t do both.
I know what it feels like to want so desperately for someone to change, to see the potential for greatness in them if they would just make a small effort. My heart hurts for you, and I wish I had answers or magic words or healing power. What I do have is solidarity to offer you right now. Whatever you choose this community will be here for you. The amazing thing about community is that you never have to go through anything alone. I’m not sure what your faith is, but I will be praying for you. I hope you can hold onto hope during this difficult time. I believe there is love in your future whether that is with your current husband or someone new, I’m not sure but I believe it’s there for you.
Thank you, some days are better then others. And we are both young so I guess we are still learning, I just don’t want to stay in the same spot and not just for my daughter’s sake but for mine as well.