I'm just so angry

Ya’ll I’m at my wits end right now with the world.

Every time I open a social media app I see a new video of some racist attacking someone for the color of their skin.

People are too inconsiderate to wear a mask or stay home to try and help kill a global pandemic.

Our city just had an entire section of bars/restaurants have to close after just opening again because one dude had a cough that turned out to be COVID who still went out on a bender that night. These bars were the ones who held out as long as possible, but just couldn’t stay closed anymore because they have no financial help. They could either open again or lose their business. These are people I am friends with and have had amazing connections with through food and drink.

I’m just so angry and I’m tired of being angry. I can’t fucking be angry anymore but it’s basically all I experience.

The things I enjoy I either can’t do anymore or find no joy in. I can’t see family or friends because it’s not safe go out because of people who can’t be bothered to wear a piece of cloth on their face. I can’t do a portion of my job because of COVID. I do photography, videography, edit videos, and stream on Twitch. Those are my sources of income. I can’t meet with clients for photos or videos because again, it’s just not safe. I have elderly parents who I need to be able to help and if I get infected then I absolutely cannot do that.

I love video games and streaming them and I can’t even find joy in that because it feels so frivolous I guess is the word? The world is on fire and here I am playing video games on the internet and acting like a dingus trying to pretend it’s not. I just don’t even see the point in doing any of these things anymore.

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I feel You lately I’ve been super suicidal and I made my mind up to just overdose because I’m pretty much tired of living