My dad has a habit of blaming my school on all the stress problems I faced last year. Part of the reason I have to complete another year was department changes that screwed over me and some other students. My dad was telling me how he’s writing a letter to the president of my college about how his college caused me to go to the on campus counseling clinic and how he’s mad as a parent no one told him about it and the school owes him money for an extra year of college. However, I told him about some problems I saw in my major when I first started college. I told him I wanted to change majors because of how weird the program was. And he refused to let me change and threatened to make me drop out of college if I changed majors. I started counseling because of school and because of the stress he and my mom put on me. I told him this. And he still denys what he’s done and rages at the school. I’m just trying to finish my last three classes so I can get out of my parent’s house and get help. I have told him multiple times to stop talking about all of this to me, but he never listens.
This all sounds so very overwhelming and frustrating. It sounds like your dad is pretty focused on the school and how it has wronged him/cost him so much money and isn’t seeing how it has affected you and recognizing the part he has played in the stress that you’ve been experiencing. It is hard when we can see what others can’t and sometimes we aren’t able to make them understand or see the parts they play no matter how much we try. As frustrating as that is, all you can do is control your actions. You are going to be able to finish those last three classes and will be able to get out on your own and find the help you are looking for. You have accomplished so much despite setbacks and struggles already, so I truly believe you will be able to finish strong!
I’m sorry that your dad doesn’t seem to really listen to you. College can be very stressful and dysfunctional, indeed. As much as I personally loved what I studied, I also hated college and just the way it functions. So sure, there are high expectations and so many things to improve when it comes to supporting students… but you’ve actually explained to your dad what this is really about. You’ve been very brave for being honest about it. Unfortunately, it sounds that his own explaination is a way to keep being in denial.
Somehow, it sounds that he truly cares, but not the right way, which results in creating more harm than good. It hurts to admit our mistakes, and as I’m not a parent myself I can only imagine how hard it is to admit that we’ve hurt our children one way or another… but still, it’s part of the responsability of being a parent, to be brave enough, to be responsible, to face our mistakes and make sure that our children are safe. I’m sorry that he’s persisting with the story he’s created in his mind. It’s probably more convenient and comfortable for him, but definitely not for you.
There’s a point when we can’t control others reaction. But I want you to keep in mind that you did the right thing by being honest about the situation with him. His capacity to truly hear you, unfortunately, only belongs to him. You did what you could and I truly hope that, one day, your dad will be abe to see it and appreciate your strength.
You can be so, so proud of yourself for being on your way to finish college. That’s such a huge accomplishment, really. I remember that the last year was the hardest one. There was so much exhaustion accumulated through the years. I wanted to give up so many times, but it was important for me to finish what I started, and I don’t regret it. The day when you’ll be gratuaded will be a huge relief and the beginning of a new freedom for you. You got this.
We’re all very proud of you.
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