I'm losing myself and I don't know how to get back

I’ve spent a couple days trying to write this and there is just no easy way to write this.
My mother is very mentally ill. She spends much of her time in the hospital and hasn’t lived with her husband, my father, in 7-ish years. She suffers from depression and anxiety and I just want her home, and I want a parent in my life thats stable.
My dad is great but he works a full time and part time job because he’s an underpaid teacher and needs to make the ends meet. He means well but he can’t relate to me the same way my mom can. He hasn’t experienced trauma or anything close to that.
I finally ended up having a mini breakdown on Friday. I just lost it in a voice chat with a friend who I was venting to on discord and I just started crying. I don’t have much going for me at the moment. I want to end my life but I don’t want to spread my suffering on other people. I don’t know how to handle this because my sister is gone at college over an hour away and my brother is just as bad if not worse off than myself. I can’t keep on bending like this, I’ll eventually break.
Lately I’ve felt like I can’t do enough. My dad doesn’t understand mental health, especially trauma and some days I just need to spend all day in bed. He asks a lot of me and I need him to take a step back.
I’m going on almost 3 days without eating a full meal and I am really starting to wear down.
I can hardly take care of myself physically and emotionally I cant.
I’ve showered twice in a week, i have stayed in my room almost 24/7 and I am just starting to wear down faster than before.
EDIT: Im loosing my therapist tomorrow because she’s leaving. I know almost nothing about my new therapist and I am not looking forward to this. She is the only therapist i’ve connected with in years. Literally.

I’m sorry that you’re in such a terrible situation @StHaTaDi-Ethan. I don’t know everything that’s going on because I am not you but I can assure you that things will get better. When I’m in a really bad spot I think to myself “how could it get worse?” When you think of your situation from the aspect it makes you realize that things can really only go up from here. I strongly urge you to go see a therapist because it sounds to me that you’re holding a lot in since your dad doesn’t understand what’s going on. If you don’t want to or can’t see a therapist find someone you really trust to talk things out. It seems simple just to talk but it can help. It’s very detrimental to your health to be locked up in your room the way that you are and believe me I know exactly how that feels. Try and set a goal for yourself each day to get out. It can be something as simple as going and getting the mail, just something to get out of your room. You can do this and things will get better. I’m here to talk at anytime if you need to.