for these last few years I have been lost and I just don’t know how to keep going on. I have been suicidal before and dealt with depression before, and I got through it and moved on. But slowly it’s crept back into my life and I feel so helpless. I have felt trapped in the same spot for years and I’m terrified of where my life is going. It feels like I’m being suffocated by everything around me, and it has just been so hard to wake up in the mornings. I can’t even think of a single reason to get out of bed anymore. I know it’s overdramatic, but I’ve become so used to crying in bed that the thought of doing anything else scares me. It sucks because I know I have so much to give and I can see how much worth I have. I just don’t know how to use it and each time I think about it the sadder I get. I just don’t know how to get unstuck and get the hell out of this town that is suffocating me.
Please, keep going. I want to share a video with you. I hope it will help you https://youtu.be/QFf6opXR1Hc
Wow, what a blessing that video is! Thank you for sharing it with Zack and for us all!! We all here need this kind of encouragement. God used you to put that here. Bless You!! I pray Zack you find the strength to forge ahead. You are unbelievably important to this world.
Plz dont give up everyday try to do something for yourself that helps you.Have you tried to write in a journal write exactly what your feeling even if that day all you can do is scribble on the page just write in it everyday this seems to help me.Plz keep shinning beautiful soul😃
Hi @zack,
It’s a lot to deal with and I’m glad you were able to let this out of your chest. Sometimes we feel lost and we need a bit of calm to get some perspective on all the events that lead up to now. You may feel lost right now, but you identified and named important elements in your message. It’s a really positive and powerful thing to do and I hope this is the very first step of a healing process to you. You’re not stuck right now, even if it feels like this. You’re already taking actions to move towards some kind of well-being just by being here, and I really wanted to emphasize this.
As you already dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts before, I imagine that you already know how it works generally but, more importantly, what your reactions and feelings are when you are depressed. I don’t think you’re overdramatic. You have feelings, emotions, thoughts that have to be heard and cared for. What you’re going through matters, whether it’s positive or negative. Because it’s about you.
I’m really sorry you feel helpless and stuck. Those feelings are deep and let appear a lot of lies that you certainly see as being the truth. But you are not stuck friend. You’ve already been through this and you tamed it. You are strong and you still have this inner flame. But I hear you. I hear your struggles. Feeling like you can’t do what you want, that you can’t respond to your own needs is a situation that has to be changed. Not all at once, but progressively.
I’d like to encourage you to seek for a therapy/counseling if it’s something you could consider. It’s really hard to take those steps. And I don’t know if you already did it in the past but:
- If you’ve already been in therapy, you are absolutely capable to do it again and it doesn’t mean you’d be a failure. Try to take your phone, to look after therapists in your area and call them.
- If you’ve always managed to go through all of this alone, then it really is the time to change your strategy. As I said you’re strong. And receiving help from others ist actually part of being strong. We’re just human beings and there are difficult things that happen in life sometimes that we can’t handle only by ourselves.
- If face-to-face therapy is something you struggle with, consider using some of the HS resources: https://heartsupport.com/resources/ such as the partnership with BetterHelp and the workbook about depression.
There are things you can actually do right now to ease this pain and breath again. Even if there are external circumstances that are beyond your control (but the question remains: do you really have absolutely no control over it?), you can still work on the way you deal with them.
Somehow I can relate to what you described about feeling stuck in a place that increase depressing feelings and thoughts. When I was a student I moved in a city I didn’t knew anything about, after an entire childhood spent in rural areas. I hated everything about this place for the whole time I lived there. Everything made me feel worse and stuck somewhere I didn’t want to live. It’s really difficult not to let ourselves drowning in such circumstances. But you can still find some lights there. You can still seek for beauty, for things you enjoy and makes you feel great. Doing this needs your entire participation.
I’m not trying to say that it’s only about personal motivation. Not at all… If you’re still struggling with depression, it goes beyond motivation. And that’s also why you need external support: professional, family, friends… What I try to say is that you’ll manage to go through this situation, progressively. And the first reason for you to get out of bed should be you. Because you are important and you matter. You still have plenty of things to discover in this world. But sometimes there is this fog in front of our eyes that prevents us to see clearly.
So we need to think in a more practical way. What are the things that could help you to get out of bed every morning? What could you add to your day that would be a positive goal to you? For me, knowing that I’ll allow myself to take some time to breath, to see birds flying around and look at the sun rising, while holding a warm mug of coffee, helps me to start the day in a more peaceful and relaxed way. Sometimes doing this brings some tears, but that’s okay. May sound like it’s nothing but in fact those kind of things are concrete and part of what you can do to take care of you in a gentle way. 
Think about it, about what could makes sense to you and what resources you have right now. It’s okay if you don’t have much ideas at first. Just take it easy. Step by step.
*Sorry I deleted my first reply, got some Internet issues and double posted it. 
You are not alone. Sending much love to you.
Thank you! All glory to God! Bless you all! For everyone who is struggling remember that “The Lord is greater than the giants you face”-1 John 4:4