(Warning this might not make sense. It’s just some teen girl rambling about her “problems” sorry in advance)
I remember when I was little and was left alone at home I would talk to myself. I nurtured and filled whatever space I was missing at home. I really wish I could go back to those days. Instead of a caring voice there’s a panicked and bitter voice all the time. Now a days the only conversation there is in my head is telling me to shit up because I can’t take the noise anymore. I’m obsessive and negative and hurt and lonely. For some reason I place my worth on my ability to be loved. I drive everyone away. I’ve never had a good relationship with anyone in my life so I assumed that my worth is nothing. I can’t love myself anymore. I’m ready to give up on everything. I see why people let themselves go because it’s too hard to continue fighting. The idea of moving forward is even more depressing than I am and the idea of being loving to myself sounds pathetic. I believe truly don’t deserve it because I’m worthless. Not only that it’s never gonna happen. I have no idea how to move forward. I’m stuck here in this feeling. Maybe fornthe rest of my life.
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I’m sorry that you feel that way, especially at such a young age. I can relate even though I am in my mid-40s with 3 kids who are probably older than you. It sounds to me like you have stated the answers in your post though.
You have to establish your own self-worth my love. I know it’s easy to bat those comments away when you are feeling this down, but give yourself some time to wallow in the self-pity and then brush yourself off and go for a walk. Move your body and treat yourself nicely. The way you wish someone else would. Start setting your own standard of how you want to be treated.
I grew up in abusive environment. My whole life I have been a people pleaser and then fallen into depression when no one reciprocated or appreciated my kindnesses. The only person I haven’t been kind to is me. You can’t take the blame for other’s short-comings.
You are young and you can build the strength to have a good life that you have created for yourself. I believe that. I believe in you. Fake it until you make it sister. Make yourself wear the mask and do good things for you until it feels right. xo
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Hey EgyptianBleu,
you dont have to say sorry!
everything you say, feel or think about, is important!
I even feel hopeless very often, feel stop moving forward…hating the situation i’m in.
But sometimes we need changes!
is there anything, what makes you feel good?
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Hey there, first thing I picked up on was that you are a teenager. Know this - nothing at this time of life will make sense. It’s a time to take it all in and learn as much as possible about life. Find the things you are good at. Understand you will not be stuck in this forever. I PROMISE you. Until you are in your mid to late 20’s nothing will really make sense though, it’s all about learning about life, this time in your life is just part of it. Focus on school, if others don’t like you, who cares? What can they do to you? You are your own person. Be yourself. You will find people who are like you some time. Everything sounds cliche’ but it’s true. I also am 44 who has a 22 yr old son and guess what? He made it. He made it through all the things you are feeling. I did too, it was only until a few years ago that I figured out who I was! This is a good place to vent how you feel too if you don’t feel you have anyone in person to talk to.
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