Staff Edit from @NateTriesAgain:
I’ve struggled feeling worthless in my own life as it relates to my work, my addiction, my parenting, and many other areas of my life. If you landed here from Google and want something you can do right now to combat those feelings, click on the post that resonates the most with you:
Each post has an encouraging video and some questions that will help you change your perspective and feel better right now.
This is something that makes me feel physically ill to admit. I don’t want to seem ungrateful for the people I have in my life- I am very grateful- it’s just all my life I’ve never been anyone’s first choice, I guess you could call it priority but that just makes me feel even more sick admitting.
When I was little I never really had friends. It’s a long story, but I always struggled with being someone’s main go to friend, or I guess being someone’s best friend. I thought I was sometimes- but here I sit today with none of them here with me.
I have a lot of friends now that I am so very grateful for- I am so grateful for this community and all the friends I have made here. I just feel like I have a void in my heart that I’m never going to be able to fill. Even though I have friends there is always someone above me- if that makes sense. I hate saying that, but it’s just how I feel.
Sometimes I feel like I pour our a lot and receive little in return- and saying that makes me want to puke. If I could keep all these thoughts under control and bottled up I would but today has tipped me over the edge.
I don’t know if I’ve just spent my whole life being the last choice, and I have taken up a sense of jealousy from all of it, I don’t know. I can remember feeling this way since I was in middle school- like when another person became friends with my old best friend it was hard for me- because then that person took my friend away basically, or it was like trying to share a single piece of paper- and when you add another person to the group your piece of the paper gets smaller and smaller- meaning the attention you get from them gets lesser and lesser until you feel so unimportant you drift away from them and you just aren’t friends anymore.
Once again, I freaking hate admitting this. It makes me feel sick and I just want to puke right now because I feel so much guilt and disgust for myself for feeling this way. I feel it’s wrong of me and I am too needy or too clingy. I don’t know.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.