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I'm never put first, I just want to matter. I might end it all

Nobody ever puts me first, i’m just an object to use if someone loses someone else that they ACTUALLY care about. My mom is most of the reason that im depressed, why I don’t matter, or even because she screams at me. I always feel like i’m going to hell, or I have no soul. But everyone has a soul right? I feel like I would be better if I was just dead. I try to help myself but I can’t all I have are negative thoughts in my head, even if I could help myself it would be for atleast a strong 30 minutes. My dad is fine, he’s fine never really mean to me. I feel like I always have a target, or aweight on my back that never lets me go or get up again. I want to be out of this, I don’t want to change, I just want to be accepted for who I truly am. I’m a freak, or atleast thats what i’m told, Every day I feel like i’m useless I can’t figure out if I was a mistake or not. The only place I feel accepted is in my room, alone, in the dark. I’m so young im turning 13 soon and I already want to die, why do I feel like this!?

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Yeah, that’s how I feel. But this is not hell. Because this will end. You will get away from harmful people like your mom, and you will find people who love you, care about you, and value you like the amazing person you are. Please. The fact that you came here for help shows strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I know you will push through. But it just in case you really need help, call a suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255) or use this website for resources (http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/). I believe in you, and so does everyone here. Stay strong. :heart:

How can I even want to die? This has been going on since i was very young, and im turning 13 soon.

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I’m 13 as a matter of fact. I’ve been suicidal since 10. I totally understand how it’s weird to feel that way so young. It feels so wrong and horrible, I get it. I don’t know what’s happened in your life, but it’s okay to feel the way you do. You have the right to feel a certain way, even if it feels wrong. Your feelings are completely valid. At the same time, you deserve better.

Thank you so much, i appreciate you saying that.

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No problem. And welcome to HeartSupport! Reach out to us whenever you need to. We’ll always try to be there for you. :blush: