I'm new here sorry

I’m new here, I’m sorry if I do anything wrong. I feel so conflicted since my friend was talking behind my back to some other people about how I “don’t have depression” and “I’m not really suicidal” and it really hurts to see your friend, someone who I would die and not die for, do something like that. It also hurts a lot knowing that he feels like that and I can’t do anything about it. I love him like a brother and I don’t really know what to do. I might try talking to him later today about it but he will probably still be upset.

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Hi Max
Thank you for posting, welcome to Heartsupport Im Lisa and please dont appologize for anything, you haven’t done anything wrong at all. you are welcome here to talk about whatever you want.
I am so so sorry that your friend has hurt you by talking about you like that. The problem is that some people that have not experienced depression either do not understand it or do not want to and like anything in life they tend to make sweeping statements about the people that do live with it and the words that they use hurt. I don’t know if your friend is aware of the hurt or if he has made the comments and is unaware that he has hurt you.
I would encourage you to talk calmy to him explain to him that his words were hurtful and give him a chance to apologise as we all make mistakes and as you say, you love him like a brother. I hope that he will do so and you can both get back to the good friendship that you had and probably still have.
Thank you for joining us here, and feel free to post anytime friend.
Much Love Lisa :heart:

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Hi @Max

You did perfect with your post, you are fine! Since he is so close, why don’t you just talk to him and ask him why he did that? He sounds like he is just ignorant about this kind of thing to be honest. I don’t think anyone would say those things if they weren’t. Especially, if they are that close to you, ya know?

There is stigma with mental illness. I like to educate my close friends and family about my diagnoses, so they understand me better. Maybe just a little bit of that for your friend might help?

Are you in treatment for your depression and other thoughts?

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Thanks! <3 I will definitely try to talk to him and see if he understands how I’m feeling. Thanks again :slight_smile:

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Our friends said it all here: talking to him directly is definitely a great step to take. Make sure eventually to identify what you expect from him, first, so the conversation wouldn’t be confusing for any of you, and actually lead to something. Express how you feel, express your needs, and give them space to also share how he feels about all of this.Try to let them know that you were hurt but also realize that you would like to help them understand how you actually feel. Invite them to share their view as well, and work with them in deconstructing them. A good friend will definitely listen and make the effort to understand. It is possible that they don’t react well though, but in any case, you would be doing the right thing by taking the time to talk with them, really. Oftentimes, people close to us react in ways we didn’t want because they don’t understand what’s going on and feel helpless/don’t know how to help. :hrtlegolove:

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Thanks for taking the time to respond. I will definitely try to talk to him and see if we can work out some stuff. And sadly, no, I’m not in treatment. I don’t have money nor the allowance from my parents to do that. But thank you <3 :slight_smile:

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Ah, sadly I didn’t see this before I sent him a response and now he’s mad haha. But thank you :). I will definitely use this information the next time. :slight_smile: Also thank you for taking the time to respond.

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Oh I’m sorry he reacted that way. Give it time for sure. At first it can come off as some kind of accusations and/or make someone uncomfortable (not fun to realize that we did something wrong). I hope that, later on, you’ll have the opportunity to work on that together. <3

I hope you know that none of this invalidate how you feel either. :heart:

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Thank you, I really needed that <3 :heart:

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You’re very welcome. There’s a lot of people who can understand and relate to what you feel in terms of depression/dark thoughts, so please never hesitate to use this space whenever you need to express how you feel. Being depressed myself and having other struggles mental health wise, I’ve learned over time that not everyone can be everything to us. Some people are just not equipped to understand, others don’t want to understand. That doesn’t mean a friendship/relationship has to end, but it certainly gives indications regarding what we can expect or not. A little bit like having strong political disagreements - for some friends, it would be a reason to end a friendship, for others there would be a need to set a common ground (like for example, not mentioning politics together, and doing it with people who can relate/understand). All options are valid. It just takes time to figure out what it’s going to be for us personally. :hrtlegolove:

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