My mom infantalizes me alot cuz I live at home and am the youngest and don’t work she just yelled at me for not being in bed at 4am like I’m just up late I don’t need a reason I just can’t get to sleep I feel stuck in a rut cuz I’m back in my childhood bedroom after two years away Im my mom and brothers maid it seems looking after two fully grown adults who can’t function right do to their drinking my therapist wishes she could get me a place to live cuz so much of my mental health is caused by my family and I just…no one seems to notice me in this house for what I truely do or for who I am cuz God forbid they gender me correctly or call me my non dead name
Hi again, @Derpplup
I’m sorry to hear that your mother is once again causing stress for you. I totally understand about being called by your deadname and misgendered. My family doesn’t know I’m nonbinary or the name I actually have-- they already label me a “freak” because I’m asexual. I don’t know if you’re still in the closet, but regardless, you’re a very strong person for being who you are regardless of what your family thinks. I’m so sorry you have to deal with a family that’s so unsupportive. It’s awful behavior for them to be like that.
Is it possible for you to get a job sometime in the future? I’d be down to help for ideas on how to save money back for you. Keep us updated, and let us know if there’s anyway we can help, or if you’re open to trying something out, okay?
Take care, @Derpplup. Wishing you the best.
My family knows I’m close to a year on hrt and I’m already changing out my closet
I’ve had jobs but have had to seek disability do my mental health the daily grind tears me apart and causes crazy amounts of anxiety and depression
I don’t know if I was ever happier than when my family wasn’t noticing me. You can’t change your family’s attitude or behavior, so your best option is to avoid confrontation, and keep working with your therapist to find a better living situation.
I think it may be easier to accept being a live-in maid than to resist it. If you can do it consistently, it’s a pretty strong indication that you may eventually be able to work at a job that pays. While your family is enjoying using you as a maid, they’re helping you gain the strength and confidence to become independent. As your therapist has indicated, family is contributing to your mental health problems. If you’ve never been away from that negative influence, it can’t be conclusively determined whether or not you can be employed.
Getting angry with them for being the kind of people they are, will not bring about any positive change, but will only make you feel worse. Protect your own feelings by not letting them mess with your mind.
Does your therapist know you’re having difficulty sleeping?
She can’t do that unless you cooperate with her efforts by aligning your emotions according to what you perceive to be her wishes.
Tell your therapist that you want to get serious about finding another living situation. It might help.
hey derplup, being reintroduced into an environment after a long period of time away from it must be hard. Maybe your mother and brother have these ideas of who you were before you left and find it hard to reconcile that you’re your own person and have grown from the person they once knew. Maybe they are finding things hard and are projecting those hardships back onto you because they think you can handle it. Does conversation ever happen with them? Do they sit down and talk and listen? Maybe your therapist can suggest ways for you to be able to voice what you need and how to cope with the pushback you receive from it.
I know I can’t say how it must feel to not be respected for the person you are, but I imagine it’s hard and that it’s pulling on your mental health. I hope your therapist has been able to provide you with resources. I know it’s not ideal that you’re living in that space again, but I do hope that having her onside has made it a little easier for you.
thank you reaching out to us again.
i am sorry to hear that the situation with living is still so difficult for you. with your complete new situation overall,
coming back to your mom, gender and name change it is a lot to deal with. for everyone.
i hope that you might find a quiet time with your mom to talk that all out. as a parent, or from another perspective
on that situation it is also difficult to handle that all. your mother raised you for years living with your deadname.
it is hard to change that even in years things in a “hurry” or out in “emotions” can lead to that. some things will
might stick with you, and i am sorry for that.
i think that, i also struggle with my family side with my issues, anxiety and depression, to be accepted.
be aware that you will not change someone, or make them understand what you are going through, no one will
really understand you. but at least they should accept you. respect you. and treat you the way you deserve it and
the way you treat others. you are doing so much for your family since you are back home. i hope this will get
appreciated in the way you deserve it soon.
take a moment, time for yourself and look what you have achieved so far. how you grown over the last months
and also how you shared that with us. be proud of yourself my friend, you absolutely can. i am and we are proud
of you and grateful that you are part of our community for a long time now. you are loved and
you matter most ! feel hugged
Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, it can be really frustrating being the youngest child and your parents have learned from pat mistakes and so these mistakes dont reoccur you are the one that gets questioned about everything and unable to experiment with new and exciting things for fear of getting hurt and maybe not being in bed by 4am and nog getting enough sleep. As for your family not calling you by your correct gender, after thinking about how I would react to that in my family, please be patient, give them some time, you know how you are feeling, you know what is happing in your body and ho wyouare feeling and thats great but the people that love you dont and it takes some getting used to, its big changes to suddenly see you as someone else. I have no doubt they want you to be happy and comfortable in your skin, they just need a moment to get their heads around it. Much Love Lisa x
From: Dr Hogarth
Feeling like you’re invisible to the people who should see you the most is heartbreaking and I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this. It sounds like you do a lot for your family that they should value you for.
I wonder if conversations with your therapist could be proactive in looking for some way you could live independently if they agree that your living situation is something that is affecting your mental health. You said that you lived away from your Mum and brother for a couple of years, so is the living situation you had before something you could go back to or plan towards going back to?
Your family should respect who you are and what you do for them. With family, I know it can be difficult to retrain to use correct pronouns and move on from dead names. A lot of the time, it’s just through the habit of using the dead name and pronoun for so long. But, I know sometimes families can also be hesitant because they’re not willing to embrace the change. Either way, I can see that it’s contributing to you feeling invisible and unappreciated, and no one deserves to feel that way.
You are noticed here friend. You are valid and valued. x
I’m proud of you! I’m super sorry your family’s like that. :(( I feel like you probably correct them about your name and pronouns more times than you can help…
Yeah, I understand that. Hopefully you can get on disability soon and hopefully have a much better living situation than you currently have!
I’m on disability I’m just currently trying to save up for dental work so I can feel more confident speaking
Ohhh gotcha gotcha, I read that wrong.
I’m hoping you can get there soon! I believe in you, @Derpplup :))