Hello there again, I’ve finally gotten a way to post on here again. But besides that, I don’t really know what to do. I know I’m posting on here because I need to be recognized by others and I don’t like that. I turned 18 on the seventh, and now the cage I feel trapped in feels even more painful. I can’t no longer shake the bars to see if I could escape from it, my Dad is more strict, more absolute in his thinking. Now I’m just a freeloader in my house, or at least that is how it feels. My urges to cut have lessened, but I still feel very depressed, and I still cry at times. I feel alone, I hate saying that, and that creates pity . Words are cheap, that saying is something I’m beginning to believe more and more as these final days of high school go by. I wish that I didn’t have to take the guilt and sorrow of being responsible. I’m the reason my Dad is in a place he hates, I know this because he told me this. He keeps saying he doesn’t care, that he is going to send me away if I won’t listen to him. He will just leave me at the hell of my mom’s and forget I ever existed. This hurts me, but I know it would hurt him just as much as it would . I feel like the song The Wrong Child fro for mem R.E.M is my whole life. I keep seeing the song Resolve from Foo Fighters to be used as a way of me pushing myself towards suicide"A litte bit of Resolve, is what I need now. Push me down, show me how."I feel emotonless and emotional at the same time right now, and that terrifys me. I keep pushing myself to extreme stress whenever I drive a car, as I panic whenever I’m in a new situation in the car, or when I feel like an idiot. I’m going to probably die a slow death 30 years in the making, and I can’t seem to be able to stop the sand from flowing, a stupid rhetoric my mind just made up. Anyone reading this, please give me honest feedback, your real thoughts. Don’t let your emotions dictate your first response, think about what you put down.
Thank you,
Jason
Hey there Jason! First off, I’m happy you came here to talk about this. You are ALWAYS welcomed here and none of this sounds like pity. It sounds like you’re in a rough spot and could use a friendly ear 
It’s always okay to feel your sadness and cry as long as you don’t stay in those feelings. Do you have hobbies or something that can help work through those emotions? Also, have you tried talking to your dad about the way he makes you feel with all of this? Maybe having a conversation with him could help? Just ideas I’m throwing out that might help your situation so if you want to try them then please do! Just know you aren’t alone because you always have us
Maddie
Hello Maddie,
Considering what you have said, I have talked to my Dad about this, in fact he was the one who recognized I was having panic attacks. Honestly, no one in my situation is the villain. But my Dad thinks that being hard on me makes me more stronger emotionally, as I seem emotionally weak to him. Am I? I have no idea, but if I had to choose, I would say he would be more correct in his Judgement. I’m on the inside looking out, not outside looking in. Besides that, he will always try to apologize or say he was being too hard on me, but by then the wounds have been opened, so I’m not sure what to do.
Thank you for taking the time to listen
Jason
I’m glad you talked to your dad! And from what I can tell from this conversation you don’t seem emotionally weak. Sometimes people have a lot of emotions they don’t understand so it could be good to go to a counselor and get help to sort through those emotions. In certain situations tough love can be good for someone but in this I think you just need help to understand the way you’re feeling. I would continue to be upfront and honest with your dad in the moments he is making you feel bad. This will help him learn what is okay to say and what isn’t and in turn you two can grow together with this.
Maddie