Im not in a good place right now and the people in my life arent doing anything to help:/

So in regards to my last post about me handling all my friends issues because they all come to me , I really dont mind. But with my
Dog dying on Sunday and everything It just has burnt me out. I helped someone out for several hours on tuesday and I just laid in bed. I was already depressed that day and didnt even finish my school work. I decided to post something on my close friends story on instagram explaining I needed a breather from stress for a few days reminding everyone I have my problems too. I am human. I hurt. And that I love everyone & to take care. I also turned my activity status off… and I had to explain that too. You wouldnt think a post like that would be selfish? I never do stuff like that ever. I honestly am a super selfless person. Others needs always come before my own. I feel like I get manipulated because of my empathy sometimes. The response to my story… you wouldnt believe some people had a negative response! A few were kind and sent hearts or told me to take care of myself but MAN. Three friends. Two of them just ignored me for saying that on my story. Just… straight up got upset and ignored me… but I was kinda able to talk it out with them so its okay. Still hurtful though, like ouch? Really? And this one i feel is unforgivable… keep in mind this last person is supposed to be my internet best friend:( we have facetimed, sent eachother things for our birthdays… christmas. But anyway. She has this vent twitter page right? I followed it. As SOON as I post this stuff on my close friends story she blocked me, and said ‘ fuck you and all of your issues ‘ directed at me. I know because I looked at the twitter website. I have not talked to her since she said that. She doesnt know I saw, I didnt call her out. And she honestly is kind of a toxic person and Ive considered cutting her out before but literally come on. And this week literally everyone has been ignoring me. My problems simply dont matter. Not that im just gonna bombard ppl with my issues if I get to talk to them, im not exactly like that. Yeah if they ask how i am I may be honest to a point but like I just want people to care to talk to me yknow?? Even my BOYFRIEND has been ignoring me! Him and his friends made a new minecraft server or whatever and they have been playing nonstop the whole week. He finally called me
At like 3 am last night but he barely has been texting me & that was the first time he has called me this week. Im just so annoyed because I feel like no one actually cares. No one really gets it. Ive been clinging to my music because the music artists i listen to I feel are the only ones who get me. Im really fed up with the toxic people in my life & really just want to get rid of them. I honestly am a pushover, im not one to do that but im so tired of literally having like 8 friends ? And half of them being fake. I dont really know what to do about my boyfriend either. I love him so so much our one year anniversary is coming up in a few days but things are just off… he still wont say he loves me yet:( ive told him I love him. He said he was unsure and he just doesnt know. No i am not worried he will break up with me. I believe he does like me but… and he is a HUGE gamer. Thats what his life revolves around. And I always have felt that i am not a priority. Friends > me. And i shouldnt be more important but it would be nice if we were equal. Yes ive talked to him about it, several months ago he canceled our plans for dnd with his friends and I got really upset… he left me on read almost an hour to come back and tell me to ‘ get ahold of myself ‘ and other stuff. I know that sounds jerky, he is not like that often at all. Pretty much only time he has been that rude to me and he did apologize but I havent spoken to him about feeling his friends mean more to him than I do. I actually have never told anyone about my issue with my boyfriend… on here is the first time. It scares me the idea of people agreeing maybe I should break things off. I dont wanna deal with that right now too though. Ive had one thing after another happen to me. Bottom line I literally just want people to care. Thats it. I also havent gotten out of bed yet today. Its 1:30 im still laying in bed. Whats the point ? And im still self harm free. Have been a bit over a year but what even is the point in THAT? ive been thinking about it a lot more lately. My motivation for that was to not disappoint others or let others down but what does that really matter. Im not gonna do it, just a thought. I know if I fall into that hole again it will be a deep one. I just want someone to feel my frustration :frowning:

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Hey @cs15

Thank you for reaching out and being so honest here. I am so sorry for you loss. Dogs are part of the family and losing them is never easy. It sounds like you are and have been carrying so much for so very long. Not only your personal struggles but everyone else’s too. I can relate to what you’ve said here so very much. I love to help people and be there for them and do anything I can if it means they can feel better or get a little bit of help. However, I tend to go to the extreme and run myself into the ground because I put everyone before myself so consistently. While it is wonderful to love and care so much for so many, I have come to learn that I need to take care of myself too. If I am constantly burned out and never implementing any boundaries to do so, then I can’t truly be there for people in a healthy way. We cannot pour from an empty cup. The more we take care of ourselves, the better we are able to help others. And I know self care is not always easy especially when putting ourselves last is such a habit but even starting small can make a huge difference.

That being said, I think it is so important and wonderful that you recognized that you were burned out and needed some time to take care of yourself and that you let those around you know that. I am so very sorry though that it was not met with support from everyone. That had to have been so hurtful knowing you have been there for them countless times yet they lash out at you when you reach out for support. It sounds like it may be indicative of a one sided friendship. I know I’ve had many people in my life who loved to vent to me but were never interested in my life or what I needed support with. A friendship goes both ways. One can’t only be charging the other one’s batteries because pretty soon there’s nothing left to give. So know that setting that boundary regardless of the reactions from your friends was so very healthy because you are worthy of self care, compassion and being gentle with yourself.

It is so hard realizing that people we thought we were close with and could count on might not be. So as far as deciding whether to cut them off or not, I would encourage you to take time to take care of yourself first. I don’t think it is necessary to make that decision right now.

I also want to say congratulations on being free of self harm for over a year!! That is a HUGE accomplishment!! When you feel like there isn’t any point on staying free of self harm, remember how far you’ve come. That is over 365 days strong!! You did that! So I am certain you can do even more! I myself have had many times where I’ve wanted to harm again, knowing I wouldn’t but just not being able to shake the thought and when that happens I think of how far I’ve come and I think of it as me trying to love myself more.

Know that you are seen and you are heard. Your emotions and struggles are important and I get where you’re coming from. It’s hard to carry so much by yourself. I hope you can take time to care for yourself regardless of how your friends feel about that boundary being put in place. Boundaries are hard at times but they are so healthy. Thank you again for sharing this here.

Hold fast my friend, you can do this.

Hannah Rhodes

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I feel it and it’s more than just frustration.
I am extremely angry that life is treating you this way.
I care and I think about you a lot, and the things you have said in your previous posts. I remember everything and I’m very angry at people who treat you in a way that makes you feel like everything you do is a mistake or a mess up. I angry because of it all and I can barely bring myself to be happy because I’m so mad. I think… I kind of wish I could give you a hug, ecept for that i don’t exactly know you that well. I can’t bear it that you are suffering this much and that a freind dumped you out just because you were so troubled and called you the f word! That is truly enraging for me!!

ALSO
there are people who care to talk to you. I know there are but some things other people just don’t understand, even when they think they do.

also I do care to talk to you and I care about you a lot. I was actually thinking about you earlier today…
Also, me and my sister deeply care about you. I literally feel like I wish I could actually just appear there in the room with you so that I could hear your voice and you could hear mine.
I really think that if you and me talk to each other that things might become better but things will never be completely better. I know about how it is that there is songs that can reflect you but other people don’t take those songs seriously and it seems like only you do because the song seems to perfectly represent how you feel but other people think of it as a story that did not really happen…
what that fake friend did is too unforgivable and whenever I read that somebody did things that I find unforgivable… I really never forgive the people for treating others the ways I read they did.
Also, some of them might have ignored you because it was so terrible that they couldn’t think of anything to say. I can’t even think of anything to say over this. i wish you could hear my voice… also I get kind of scared to re-mention anything you’ve mentioned because I’m scared that i might hurt your feelings by mentioning it.
YOUR PROBLEMS DO MATTER!
AND I DON’T WANT THE UNIVERSE TO THROW A SINGLE OTHER TRASHY MESS AT YOU!! I WISH THAT PEOPLE WOULD TREAT YOU LIKE YOU DESERVE!! YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE SHOWN THAT YOU ARE LOVED AND ACCEPTED JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!! BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE!!
You are a valid person, and whatever you tell me, I’m listening.
and I’m mad at those who won’t just LISTEN to you at least and show they care.

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Thank you very very much! You have been so kind in all the times you have answered my posts <3 its not that I cannot forgive & forget or that im horribly enraged at those people. It just hurts because I put trust into my friends. Then for them to do me so wrong really hurts. Yes, the future will be better but sometimes you really think ‘man. Right now life really sucks’ losing people & losing people really is not it. And I love songs and stuff :slight_smile: one of the things that Help me most besides my faith in God is music! I consider myself to be in the alt / emo community. I love twenty one pilots , my chem, of mice & men , pierce the veil, bring me the horizon , beartooth and stuff like that. Actually as of recently besides being on heart support ive really been clinging to my music. It helps.

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Thank you so so much. It is very hurtful to realize friendships are one sided. Especially dealing with so many loses. Your encouragement means a lot : ) im not gonna self harm again !! It is a very vicious cycle and it is amazing to be clean even at bad times when it seems so good and so tempting. In time things will get better

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Do you know the song stressed out by 21 pilots, then?
:relieved: The song would really be about me except for the fact that they say “brother” not “sister”…
and my name isn’t blurryface. I feel like that specific song is really really special and people take it for granted.

oh my , haha yes I do know stressed out. Ive been in the clique ( fanbase) for a long time and know all of their music inside and out. If you like that you should definitely check out their other / older stuff. It all is very good.

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Of course! It truly is so hard to come to terms with that especially when you’re trying to process so much at the same time. Very proud of you friend. Your strength does not go unnoticed!!

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