Hello there, whoever may be reading this. Its been a while, since I’ve last been on here. Many thing have happened in the months of my disappearance. I’m doing marching band, and learning ASL, for instance. I find myself loving the culture and fascinated with the language itself, as doesn’t require something we all hearing people usually think a language needs to be a language, our voices. However,not everything is sunshine and rainbows, unfortunately. I’ve got 2 F’s, and a D- right now, and i’m a senior. I’m still dealing with days where I just can’t get away, I just can’t run away from everything. No matter where I seem to be, there’s conflict. Personally, I’ve found myself wondering if I’m a idiot, or a sociopath. Im about to get my letter jacket, but I’m wondering if Ii should really get one, I feel just bad about the situation. I like the Jacket, I just don’t really like the cost, but at the same time, I worked so hard to get those Patches and my Letter. That reminds me, although I still get really strong urges, I haven’t cut myself for a full month! Things seem grim, and at the same time, hopeful. Im making friends, but still the thoughts plague me of doubt, telling me we aren’t friends, that im just a fool. Im retarded, I tell myself that sometimes. My Twin has Autism, and we usually don’t use retarded as its not nice to say around him. But, I feel like the words just explains me so well… it just feels right to me. I’ve started really struggling eating in the mourning lately as well, and im not sure why, as I usually have a hard time eating, but not like how it is in the mourning. I will feel gnawing pain chewing deep within me, smell the delicious scent of breakfast, and I just can’t do it. Its like my stomach agrees that I should be dead, that we are ungrateful for who we are, and where we live. Anyways, Sorry about the Word Vomiting, Im just writing down what occurs to me as Im writing this. Take Care, whoever may be reading this, and stay safe.