So, a lot of good stuff has happened in my life in the past few days which is strange. But there’s been some bad/confusing shit as well. I guess I’ll talk about the positives first. My ex texted me a few days ago, I missed her a lot and it’s been nice to know we’re on good terms again.
My mom has her drinking under control so far. I’m not getting too hopeful yet because she’s made promises before and hasn’t kept up with them, but since she’s now needing surgery for her shoulder, it’s been a wake-up call. I talked to her about her drinking, and how she needs help. She refused to see a therapist but did say she might consider going to AA meetings. I also told her that if she didn’t get her drinking under control, and if she did have another major incident, that I’ll stay with my grandma.
I have to admit, I really did contemplate taking pain killers for a high. I was telling myself that ‘I really don’t have much to lose, so why not live as much as I can?’ But then I reminded myself that I’m a little too young to start drug use. I know I’ll never be able to drink, I can’t stand the flavor at all, but I don’t think I’d have those limits when it comes down to drugs, which is scary. I’ve taken pain killers before (medically) and I did feel high, and the past few days have been really bad for the most part, so it wasn’t the worst idea that came to mind. I still have a few years ahead of me, I can waste those on drug abuse, but I think I’ll try and keep my 2020 as sober as possible for now.
My mom’s seeing a specialist on Thursday for her shoulder, so we’ll see then what surgery she needs, that sort of thing. That whole drunk shoulder dislocation really fucked up a lot of stuff in my life. We’re currently in AZ, but I live in Cali. My mom won’t be able to have surgery in California, so that extends our stay by a lot. Something worth mentioning is that we’re currently staying in my cousin’s apartment. When my mom dislocated her shoulder, my cousin was in a different state, so I was all alone, but my cousin is home now, so I won’t be alone if my mom drinks too much again. I’m not sure how much longer we’ll be here, but judging by the amount of time it’ll take for my mom to wait for the surgery, have the surgery, then recover, we’re probably looking at 1-3 months. After that whole thing happens, we’re going to be staying with my aunt for a while so I can get my physical and mental issues worked out.
My mom’s made the decision that we’re moving, I don’t know where to, and I’m not sure how we’ll get money considering I’m too young to work and my mom’s not qualified for any jobs. I feel pretty helpless right now. Too young to work, and too young to drive. I have to rely on other people to live, but at the moment, I’m the one responsible for our lives.
I haven’t talked to my mom about therapy yet, but I have talked to her about seeing a psychiatrist, because I have been having some mental issues going on, and I need to get that sorted out before I can move much further.
I might also try to tell my cousin about my mom’s drinking. She isn’t aware of my mother’s drinking at all, but I feel like it’d be good to talk about it because she gives good advice, and if anything happens in the future while we’re staying with her, she’ll know it’s kind of a helpless thing.