Im not really sure whats happening anymore

So, a lot of good stuff has happened in my life in the past few days which is strange. But there’s been some bad/confusing shit as well. I guess I’ll talk about the positives first. My ex texted me a few days ago, I missed her a lot and it’s been nice to know we’re on good terms again.

My mom has her drinking under control so far. I’m not getting too hopeful yet because she’s made promises before and hasn’t kept up with them, but since she’s now needing surgery for her shoulder, it’s been a wake-up call. I talked to her about her drinking, and how she needs help. She refused to see a therapist but did say she might consider going to AA meetings. I also told her that if she didn’t get her drinking under control, and if she did have another major incident, that I’ll stay with my grandma.

I have to admit, I really did contemplate taking pain killers for a high. I was telling myself that ‘I really don’t have much to lose, so why not live as much as I can?’ But then I reminded myself that I’m a little too young to start drug use. I know I’ll never be able to drink, I can’t stand the flavor at all, but I don’t think I’d have those limits when it comes down to drugs, which is scary. I’ve taken pain killers before (medically) and I did feel high, and the past few days have been really bad for the most part, so it wasn’t the worst idea that came to mind. I still have a few years ahead of me, I can waste those on drug abuse, but I think I’ll try and keep my 2020 as sober as possible for now.

My mom’s seeing a specialist on Thursday for her shoulder, so we’ll see then what surgery she needs, that sort of thing. That whole drunk shoulder dislocation really fucked up a lot of stuff in my life. We’re currently in AZ, but I live in Cali. My mom won’t be able to have surgery in California, so that extends our stay by a lot. Something worth mentioning is that we’re currently staying in my cousin’s apartment. When my mom dislocated her shoulder, my cousin was in a different state, so I was all alone, but my cousin is home now, so I won’t be alone if my mom drinks too much again. I’m not sure how much longer we’ll be here, but judging by the amount of time it’ll take for my mom to wait for the surgery, have the surgery, then recover, we’re probably looking at 1-3 months. After that whole thing happens, we’re going to be staying with my aunt for a while so I can get my physical and mental issues worked out.

My mom’s made the decision that we’re moving, I don’t know where to, and I’m not sure how we’ll get money considering I’m too young to work and my mom’s not qualified for any jobs. I feel pretty helpless right now. Too young to work, and too young to drive. I have to rely on other people to live, but at the moment, I’m the one responsible for our lives.

I haven’t talked to my mom about therapy yet, but I have talked to her about seeing a psychiatrist, because I have been having some mental issues going on, and I need to get that sorted out before I can move much further.

I might also try to tell my cousin about my mom’s drinking. She isn’t aware of my mother’s drinking at all, but I feel like it’d be good to talk about it because she gives good advice, and if anything happens in the future while we’re staying with her, she’ll know it’s kind of a helpless thing.


Hey friend,

It sounds like you are a season of life where there is a lot going on around you that is weighing on your mind all at once. I honestly think that contemplating the drug usage/abuse at your age (or even at any age) can be deadly because you see it as an option/means to cope with your current situation. I would encourage you to hang tough and remember that drugs don’t solve problems, they only cause more.

As for the situation with your mom, I applaud you in that you talked to her about this drinking issue. That takes SO much courage and it was really an ultimate display of love by you because you know you love your mom so much and you want her to be happy and healthy, and hopefully that’s what she saw when you talked to her. The best thing you can do is to continue to display that love to her, keep her mind off of the negative things (her shoulder, drinking, etc.) and perhaps find some activities to do together that are simple and may not require much money/effort (like board games) because even simple things like that can help build your relationship together and keep your mind off of the negative stuff.

This season may have interrupted a lot of things in your life, but that doesn’t mean it will continue forever. You mentioned right off the bat that a lot of good things have been happening recently, which recognizing that is a great because it means you are willing to see the positive side of things. So I would encourage you to continue to grow in this season by cultivating those positive and good things. That is how you can grow and ultimately come out of this season of life stronger. And be sure to make alone time for yourself so you can focus on cultivating positivity for your mental health too. Cultivate some healthy habits/activities for yourself that you truly enjoy and can make time for so you.

I wish you the best friend. You will get through this season of life because you are much stronger than you know, and you reaching out for help to this community shows just how strong and courageous you are!