I'm not scared anymore

I’ve lost another friend… fear of death always stopped me… but I’m not scared anymore… getting over fear is always a good thing… right? no one would miss me, only thing my family would notice is there’s one less person for chores and one less mouth to feed. You can’t even cry in front of my mom without getting belittled and hollared at. She would just send you to a religious counselor who could preach the sin out of you, pray for you, and tell you to get closer to God. I’ve run out of duck tape to fix my heart, there’s just a giant hole where our friendship was and i have nothing left to fix it. I can’t deal with the broken hearts anymore, the being a burden to everyone. My mind, my body, my soul, is all so exhausted from being hurt and feeling left alone. I’m just here so i can suffer in this dumpster fire of a life i have. Nothing good can last forever and I’ve heard and felt it one too many times… i don’t use helplines because last time i did, i was using a text line like i always do because of speech issues but the guy on the other end just told me he thought i was faking it and ended the conversation… i’m not afraid of death anymore…

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Hi Kelsey,
i feel sorry for you, for you loss, the friends you lost. my toughts are with you.
believe me or not, we would miss you, i would miss you.
you are 17, and you have a lot of life to live. you are young. you think that no one would miss you, i doubt
that. highly. your family and friends would miss you. you might not see it right now.
life is always an up and down. we all lost someone, we all suffered grief, we all are humans.
you don’t need tape to fix your heart. you need people and love, care and needs. friends and time.
it sounds like a cliche, but it true. you are no burden.
yes, you need to fix yourself, i need to fix myself too.
you are exhausted and tired from being hurt ? yes, i am too.
you think life is shit and unfair ? i think so too.
we all suffer, and we all needs to be repaired. we all need time to heal.
nothings good lasts forever. but also nothing bad lasts forever. only time.
with helplines or those things, it depends on the people who answer your call. that is not good but
sometimes the truth. same when it comes to people in your life.
all of us suffer grief, loss, heartbreak, hate, disrespect and all kinds of the worst stuff on earth.
but also look on the other side of life, the things that for some time are not seen.
when there is shadow, there must be light.
life is also beauty. blooming. flowing full of life and love. kindness and respect. i am not religious.
i believe in good and bad. i believe in humanity. that is maybe too much, and i struggle with that a lot.
there are people out there, so much people, like many in this community, what i witnessed that are a
light for others, that care for others like you my friend. i care also about you.
you deserve that, you matter to us, you matter to me.
to see someone struggle hurts also, but it feels even better to reach out with kindness, love and in this
form with words. if i would see you, knowing what you are going through, i would hug you. i would
tell that to you. because you deserve that. you deserve understanding parents and friends.
be sure we are here for you anytime you need someone, you are loved and you are beautiful the way you
are. i might not have duck tape, i could lend you some socks with my name on it.
feel hugged and loved my friend and stay strong, you are strong.
Greetings
Andi

From: ManekiNeko

hey Kelsey, I think it’s safe to say that your name is recognised here, which means that we see you and you matter to us. We’ve heard pieces of your story and those pieces matter to us. I do hope that we have the chance to heard more of it and journey with you. To be with you during those god awful days and celebrate on those wonderful days. That’s what this community does so brilliantly.

the way this person responded to you when you were reaching out for help is beyond disrespectful and in no way is it okay to say that to anyone even if he was thinking it. We know that isn’t something you would do or joke about. Many of us know the pain that life can hold. I know you don’t want to have the crisis resources and I respect that, I do hope it’s okay to instead link some encouragement resources if you ever feel like looking.
You matter incredibly to us. You are very loved.
📚 Collaborative List of Resources - An easy way to help others! - #4 by Micro

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Friend, Thank you for posting, I am very glad you posted, Yes getting over fear is a good thing to a degree although we need a little fear in order to protect us and you need some protection right now. You are hurt from not being able to cry without feeling that its the wrong thing to do, your heart is broken, you have lost a friend, you need protectiing, you need support and you need to mend and I hope that we can help in some way with that. What happened on that helpline in disgusting and I am beyond sorry that it did. That will NEVER happen to you here. You don’t have to suffer, you have to mend, allow us to help you, support you and be here for you. We truly care for you and you also need to learn to care for you too. please keep reaching out. You are loved. xx