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I'm not sure anymore

I’m having a really hard day. I came into work busting ass. I got so much done that several Co-Workers came in and vocalized that everything they usually have to do is already done. Then when I finally got into position after helping open the store. I’m having to take orders while another Co-Worker goes on break. After she gets back, not 10 minutes later she’s screaming that she’s not taking orders and that unless the manager on shift let’s her go smoke, she’s walking out. He then approached me and asked me to take orders again and cover her position again. I refused. I felt that any and all smoking and other activities should have been done on her break. I’m not going to do her job now, because she failed to manage her time better. I don’t smoke, I don’t get those breaks or get to make those kinds of demands when I’m stressed out. Why should she? When I confronted her and told her this. She got mad and said she was going to “bust me in my mouth”. My GM chews me out over text, and tells me to mind my own. This girl received Nothing for her threat or her behavior. As usual, I’m instantly the bad guy and I’m the wrong because Me and My Ex-Gf, The GM, Used to date. I tried to talk about it in the car with my GM / Ex and it ended up in a screaming match; to which she said she was blocking me, deleting me, and doesn’t want to ever see me again. Then; began to belittle and berate everything about me as a person which ultimately led to a Fight or Flight response to which I jumped out of her vehicle while it was still moving. (Not at high speeds. She was slowing down.) Regardless; My legs hurt. Probably just some torn muscles. Some people asked if I was ok. I got up, walked away and told them I was walking home. Got stopped by the Police 15 minutes down the road. My Ex drove off and left me there. They stopped me, checked my ID. Patted me down, and then once I told them how far away I lived. They gave me a ride to the Walmart in my town. To which I walked from the beginning of town to my home on the other side. So; I know I didn’t break anything and that it isn’t that serious. Just hurts. Long story short; regardless of how bad my poor decision might reflect on me. I chose that decision because I went to a very bad mental place and my mind was telling me. “Get out.” and that’s what I reacted to. I make no excuses; that just is what it is. I deleted and blocked her on Everything, but, after it was all said and done, I’ve just begun to have really bad anxiety about the whole experience. I feel worthless; I feel depressed, I feel less as a Man than I ever have.

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I am so sorry today was so hard. Just wanted to to let you know that you don’t deserve to be treated this way at all. That none of what happened today is your fault. I know sometimes we feel like we need to blame ourselves but you deserve to give yourself grace. I know it’s really not fair that things turned out the way they did. I do want to say I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and the courage it took to do so. I know it didn’t work out and how much the pain must be that you are carrying. You deserve so much more and I know trying again might not seem worth it but it is. It’s worth it to put you first to not have to do everything at this job. You deserve respect and to be treated nicely. You don’t have to blame yourself but can be proud of standing up and finding your worth. I know it’s a really hard journey but you are enough, you matter, and are so much more than this company gives you and treats you. My heart hurts for how badly you were treated. Please keep reaching out on here. You don’t have to carry this hurt and pain by yourself. You have and had every right to be upset and feel what you did. I’m sorry you weren’t heard or validated. You don’t have to beat yourself up for what you were or even still are feeling. I’m sorry things got really hard and felt like you had to flee. Here for you.

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Wow. I’m so sorry all of that happened.
Your ex is your GM? Ugh. That sounds so awful in a working environment. The whole situation sounds rough. Is it at all possible to maybe find a job in a healthier environment? Where past relationships and hardships won’t interfere with the work place?
I’m sorry my friend. I hope things have since calmed down.
So much love to you

  • Kitty