I can’t stand myself. I feel like no matter what I do it’s not going to work out for me, because ever since my mom died a couple months ago I’ve been getting fatter and fatter.I can’t even look in the mirror without crying, and poking my fat. Everyday I feel like a sack of s*** that’s really not worth anything .I’m not pretty I’m will never be good enough in my eyes. Depression and Anxiety, coupled with childhood emotional abuse and bullying trauma is a Bitch. My boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful and my friends tell me that, I don’t believe them. I can’t believe them. Add the fact that my family always criticizes me about my weight just makes it all worse. There are times I just want to slit my wrists and die. I just feel like a burden to my boyfriend and anyone that cares about me. The voices in my head are not nice people, and my self esteem and body image is lower than the Mariana Trench( the deepest place on earth). I don’t know how long I can smile in everyone’s faces until I snap.
I’m sorry to hear about your momma passing. You know, losing someone is really hard. It makes sense that you are having a hard time. Be it depression, weight gain, anxiety or just deep sadness. It takes time to heal. Don’t be so hard on yourself sweet friend.
I understand how hard it can be to not like yourself when you look in the mirror, I am overweight and often struggle with that too. But you know what? Your boyfriend thinks you are beautiful. He loves you. That matters. <3 Let him show you that he appreciates you for who you are. No matter your weight. Your weight does not define you, nor does it make or break your value.
I get it. Its hard to believe others when we see ourselves in such a negative light. But, know that you have value. You are important. You matter. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. You are not a burden.
Heart support has some resources that maybe could be of help to you.
Among those resources are a couple books. One is called Dwarf Planet, which is a guide and book through depression and the other is ReWrite. Which is a guide and workbook through self harm. I own both of these and they are really great books to go through if you are having a hard time. There is a link to both of those books inside the link I shared above. A place where you can purchase them and also a link where you can request them if you cannot buy them right now.
Friend, I’m really sorry that you are having a hard time right now. But know that there are a lot of people here who care. Be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to go at this alone. Okay? If you aren’t already in the discord, I encourage you to join the Heart Support discord. There are a lot of people there who are always willing to listen and talk.
Hey, you are not alone. You went through a lot but you made it this far. Please, keep fighting! We are here for you. I know how it is to have voices in the head that are not nice. But those voices lie. You are not a burden! You matter! God created you with a purpose. You are worth being alive! I want to share a video with you https://youtu.be/L33djEEMEE8 I hope it will help you. Please, don’t give up!