I'm nothing. I am worthless. I'm not worth saving. I deserve to die

I’m nothing. I’m worthless. It’s my fault that I can’t stop hurting myself. It’s my fault that the meds aren’t working. It’s my fault that I’m nothing. It’s my fault that my family won’t stop fighting. It’s my fault that I can’t get better. It’s my fault that all these thoughts won’t stop. It’s my fault that I’m like this. I should just not be this. I should just be fine. I should be perfectly fine. I should have no problems with how I am. I should just be fine. I shouldn’t show that I’m hurt. I should just die so that no one has to deal with me. I should just be gone. I should just be better. I should just be fine. I shouldn’t be sad. I should be fine. I’m worthless. I’m nothing. I will always be like this. I will always be broken. I will always just be a burden. I will always be this. I am nothing. I’m will always be nothing. No one knows that I tried to kill myself. No one knows that the only reason I’m still here is because I’m a coward. I’m nothing to them. They only like me because I fake it. I am nothing. I’m a fraud. I’m worthless. I am the worse. I will always be the worse. I am nothing. I am nothing but a worthless piece of shit. I don’t deserve the help I get. I don’t deserve the love I get. I don’t deserve the people around me. They are all better than me. I am worthless. I deserve to feel all the pain of the world. I’m am the worse. I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve food. I don’t deserve water. I don’t deserve air. I don’t deserve the space I’m given. I don’t deserve the love. I don’t deserve the help. I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve anything but the pain. I hate myself. I hate everything about me. I don’t know why people help me. I don’t deserve it. I deserve to die.

Now my family just fighting and fighting. I can’t do anything to stop them. God it’s all my fault. I’m the worse I only cause pain. Why can’t they just stop. Why can’t they get along. I hate the fighting. I hate all the fighting, Why can’t they just stop, Why can’t they just stop yelling.

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No. None of this is true. You are worth something, people care about you. I want you to promise me that you will get some help. Please! You are loved and cared for.

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Paladin, In the world we live in, finding blame or fault is like breathing. Are you really looking at you… or are you looking at your illness. What’s going on is NOT you, this is something that is happening to you, in your life. It is NOT your life. You’re blaming the patient for being sick, and it’s not helpful to you. I don’t believe what you’ve written about yourself at all, and I’m so sad that in the midst of this you’re family is not getting along. Mental illness is illness, if you had cancer, you’d have physical symptoms, but you don’t your symptoms are different. You deserve to be loved, cared for, and nurtured. You deserve compassion and forgiveness, kindness and caring. We all do. Peace.

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You aren’t nothing and people care about you. We are all here for you and i hope things get better for you which their is always a good chance it will.

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So, you feel awful, and responsible for every negative thing that happens around you. You seem to have failed to live up to your own expectations. That happens to everyone repeatedly.

When you tell yourself “I should be…” all those different things that you want to be, you are programming your subconscious to do whatever it takes to provide evidence that you cannot be what you think you should be.

Your family fights, because they have not yet learned how to communicate peacefully and effectively. You did not create your family to be the way it is. Don’t blame yourself for other people’s bad behavior. They are responsible for their own feelings, and the words that come out of their mouth’s.

There is a person named Pema Shodrin, who suggests questioning one’s own negative opinion about himself by asking “is it true?” Then ask again, “is it really true?” Believe it or not, that little mental exercise can help you attain a more accurate perception of self.

Not wanting to kill yourself does not make you a coward. It simply means, in that respect, your mind is functioning as it should.

“They only like me because I fake it.” If you present the best of yourself to others, you are not faking it. You might be smiling, while feeling sad inside, but that is both thoughtful and heroic, and demonstrates that you are not a fake.

If you met me, and heard me say all those terrible things about myself, what would you do? Would you believe that I really was all those terrible things? Once, I really did feel that badly about myself. I also entertained suicidal thoughts, and at the age of 10, I actually started to act on those thoughts, until my brother stopped me. Time passed, and I noticed that I really was able to accomplish things, and encourage others. It also occurred to me, that I could best support others if I had a decent measure of self-esteem.

If you don’t deserve all that stuff that you say you don’t, neither do I!

Considering all the invalidating things you’ve said about yourself, can you accept the possibility that you’re wrong about them, just as I had to? Yes you are wrong. Get over it!

You are worthwhile. You deserve unconditional love. You deserve comfort and happiness. Don’t argue with me!

Treat yourself as you would treat others. If you treat yourself well, you’ll actually be able to treat others better.

Ultimately, we exist to be instruments of love. You are such an instrument, therefore don’t deserve to beat yourself up as you have been doing.

If you think it would help, we can chat on Discord. I’m usually around between 10 PM and 1:00 AM Eastern time.

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I’m in a therpay program at the moment. I just have a hard time being. patient but I promise I’ll keep trying to get better.

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@gnuone Thank you for your kind words. It’s hard to believe sometimes but I do deserve love and everything else too. @Hockter24 Thank you too for your words too.

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If I met you and you said that I would tell you that they are lies and that you are worth it. I wouldn’t believe them. I guess I am wrong it just now I don’t have anything to hold on about me. I don’t know what about me is true. I only know the bad. I don’t know anything good about me.

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Here are some things that you can know about yourself:

You have good intentions towards others.

You are compassionate.

You are honest.

You want to believe there is goodness in others.

You have the courage and determination to keep trying.

Those are evidence-based observations that I’ve made about you.

Look for things to admire in others. Be aware, you cannot recognize those good attributes unless they exist, at least in potential, within you. That is the positive side of the old quote, “it takes one to know one.”

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Thank you for that I need it. I have just been having a hard time. I wish it could be over. I just want to be better.

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I want you to be better too, and I believe you will be. You’ve had a very hard time, and you survived. That’s saying a lot! You deserve good things, and they will come.

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I know they will come but I don’t know when and I want to know. I want to know how long I have to go because I don’t know how long I can make it.

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Yeah, whoever invented the need to be patient? On the other hand, where is the adventure in knowing what’s going to happen next? You don’t know how long you can make it? Consider how long you’ve already made it.

When I was having the hardest time, I decided to focus on reaching small and attainable goals. I also bracketed small segments of time, and told myself that I could make it for the next 10 or 15 minutes. I kept doing that for days at a time, until I decided that I could imagine being okay for longer periods.

There is this thing called being mindful, and it’s very helpful in keeping the mind off of unpleasant things. It simply means to be more aware of the present moment, and what you can do with it. Huge overwhelming tasks can be accomplished minute by minute. For example, who could imagine building a cathedral? On the other hand, can you see yourself laying one brick upon another? Thinking about the whole damn job, or an entire day of tedium, can be overwhelming and depressing. Whatever you are dealing with, can be best tolerated by focusing on what you can do moment by moment.

If you think about all the shit you have to do as you eat a chocolate bar, you will take little notice of its flavor, and forget about the sweet treat almost immediately. However, if you mindfully eat the chocolate bar, it’s likely that you will remain grateful for the experience for quite a while.

So, I recommend that you find little things that give you pleasure, and fully immerse yourself in the experience. That will refresh your mind and improve your objectivity.

Let me know how it’s going.

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I’ll try to be mindful. Is it okay if I send you like a DM to tell you progress when I do it?

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Sure! It might take a day or so to see the message, especially when Heartsupport is giving me a hard time logging in. I get a message “you can’t log in from that IP address.” I think I’ll message them to see if I can find out what’s going on.

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