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Im on the verge of doing it (trigger warning)

Im writing here because Im back where i was possibly 1-2 year ago with my mental health .
For those who dont know im almost 3 years clean . Ive struggled with mental health since i was either in the 7th or going into the 8th grade. I remember taking a sharp object and slicing my leg open .Then i kept relapsing after being clean for awhile , then it came the 9th or 10th grade when i self harmed with My fathers razor . I ended up being clean for about 1 and half years then ended up relapsing after my cousins wedding . I’ve tempted to hang myself after that but stopped myself , Now im almost 3 years clean .
But Now i feel like im going down slope , i feel like one of these days i may end up killing myself or relapsing due to these comments that are made towards me .
I know i am enough , i know i am worth it , I know i shouldnt let these comments made towards me bother me but they are.
The comments that are made are " i am too skinny" " you lost 15 pounds" . " you need fat around your muscles/bones" . I ended up snapping at my family because of those comments … im tired of them.
What also had triggered me was todays lesson in Psychology , it was psychological disorders . What was mentioned was what had caused me to snap at my family ( i know i dont have an eating disorder i just forget to eat).
I dont know what to do anymore i feel like if this keeps happening i wont be here tomorrow or here in a month or a year. Im tired , i really am . I dont want to give up but i also dont want to die.
I dont know what to do anymore … i just. i dont know.

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You know you have what it takes my guy, hang in there it’ll get better. There are always people who are going to make comments on everything you do. I’m a victim of that myself, I have people who make comments on my life all the time. The main thing is not to let those comments get to you. I know it’s hard to ignore them sometimes but trust me. Eventually you’ll have someone who understands you who won’t make these comments and in the end they’ll be a shoulder for you to rest on when the time comes. Hang in there buddy!

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Hey @all_around_ashley,

All that you’ve been through, all your efforts to be clean, you strength to make it through some of your worst days… none of this disappeared or would have been washed away because of how you’ve been feeling lately. Your accomplishments are still part of you, just like the strength you gained during the last 3 years.

I’m so sorry you received those comments about your weight though. I know from experience that it can be super heavy to have people around us who keep pointing out things about our body that we don’t need to hear. Sometimes people also just want to share their concern, but they don’t necessarily do it the right way or with the right words. Is it something that you could have the possibility to discuss with them? Like explaining that you don’t need to hear that and it actually doesn’tdon’t help?

I agree with @ernstfunny, it’s hard to ignore that kind of comment but it’s also good to try if those words are taking too much space in your heart and if there’s no possbility for your family to understand. You don’t deserve to feel bad about yourself. You don’t deserve to struggle with those thoughts. You ARE enough and you ARE worth it. You are loved. 1000000%.