Back to heartsupport

I'm only delaying a lonely death

I’ve fought, so damn hard for so damn long. Every single day for years and years have only come with loneliness and more misery. I should have died so many times because of poor choices. Everyone tells me that’s a sign that says I’m supposed to be here still. I want to believe that, I actually did for a while, but continuing on has only lead to more sorrow. My heart has been shattered so many times that I feel I’ve finally lost the desire to meet anyone new. My body is probably shot from all liquor I’ve forced down my throat, I even cut back the liquor intake to acceptable levels a while back and I still want to vomit 24/7. I don’t know what to do anymore… I know people will say, "don’t give up/it gets better/etc etc… but I’ve been hearing the same damn thing for as long as I can remember… It hasn’t gotten better, I’ve taken plenty of steps to try to make it better, but it all just fell apart every god damned time. There’s hardly anything left in me… and as it stands now, I’d say my time here is almost over. I don’t want to kill myself, I really don’t. But there’s only so much anyone can take before it’s too damn late

1 Like

Hey there,

First of all let me say that the people who tell you that you are meant to be in this world are correct. Im not a religious person but i believe that if you continue to live and have air in your lungs than your body is telling you it does not want to give up. I know that right now it seems like there is no point in trying to meet new people because it seems like you are going to continue to be heart broken, however instead of seeing things as continuous heart break, see it as a stepping stone until you find that right person that you are supposed to be with.

Im happy that you have cut back on your intake of alcohol however if you have the ability to know and type out that you think you body isn’t reacting well to it, then maybe its time to seriously get some help and work on no longer depending on alcohol to live your life. Believe it or not, a lot of people i know who have stopped drinking alcohol still live full and fulfilling lives without it, it even makes them better people.

Lastly, and this is where my advise comes into play, is sometimes people tell you those things you have heard many times because it’s the truth. We may not WANT to hear it, however we are humans and sometimes we NEED to continue to hear those things, whether we may want to hear it or not. You say that you have been taking steps and that is great, but do not stop taking those steps, continue to take those steps and if need be take more steps to get to that point to where you can be happy in life, regardless if you are with someone or not for the time being. Your time is not done here, not by a long shot. If you are ever feeling those thoughts of wanting to kill yourself, use the Crisis Resource channel in the HS discord at discord.gg/HeartSupport .

Hope this helps,
Yummerz

1 Like

@Someguy36 :
Youre not alone, this isnt the end . You may have want to give up but the truth is NO YOU dont , you posting here means something . We love you and we want to see you succeed and get better.
also someguy, theres a quote i go by to when i have a rough day my self . The quote talks about how they explain they have a rough day and they start back at square one but the truth they’ve said is " recovery isnt linear . its okay to struggle, i (you) can learn from this".
hold fast friend!
-Ashley

1 Like

I understand You feel worthless and your battery is just empty. You just lose your ability to care for yourself or anyone. I kept pushing through so many terrible things I did to myself. It has taken almost 15 years to be a point where I feel like things I have gotten better. When I was 16 I never thought I would live to be 27, I thought I would be dead, but I’m not for some reason someone has told me to stay, I am.
I’m making my own reason to keep living. I know now I’ll never find it if I do nothing. You said you don’t want to take your life, then please don’t. Make your life. As a daughter of an alcoholic the bottle won’t help you. You have the strength to live, the fact you posted proves that. You still have a sliver of hope in your heart. Hold onto that, don’t let it go no matter what. You can live, it will be better. Hold fast.

1 Like

Someguy36 thank you for posting. It takes a lot to do that and that shows that you want to get better. I know how it feels to go through a tough time. I had lost hope for so long and I still don’t fully have hope that things will improve later on in life. Just know that everyone is here for a reason. There is something that you bring to the world that nobody else can. You’re important. Hold fast friend. You’re worth it!

1 Like

I understand the feeling of loneliness where nothing has changed, it’s…just empty inside like nothing.
It’s…always the same thing over and over again feeling, every day.

I didn’t experience this in the long-term but, I had felt loneliness and much more when problems shows up in my life. A part of me was aware that I still want survive.

Despite, how terrible life can be, it can be wonderful too…I believed, Things will get better.

Maybe, not right now but, Eventually…
It takes time that things will get better.

From what I’m seeing is that…
You have kept fighting for a longtime and you are still standing, fighting even if it hurts…
Please keep fighting, Don’t give up, take care.

-LostWings

1 Like

@Someguy36
Hold Fast. If you’d like this art, please email me: [email protected]

2 Likes

Love You Dude. :love_you_gesture:
Live And Let Your Light Shine On Brother.

Peace Be With You And Yours Always.

I will be your love and light just reach to me. I know where you are. You were me. It doesn’t have to be my love.

Lisa