I'm overwhelmed

I have struggled with crippling anxiety and depression that has is robbing me of everything. I’m always wading with it or pushing it back. A couple of months ago, my mom died suddenly. My husband has been aloof and when I came back from her funeral hit me with a betrayal that I don’t even want to go into now. I haven’t seen him much since. I’m raising daughters now I feel alone and I can’t keep my head above water. I feel completely alone and isolated. My husband prefers I don’t go to mosque right now because of a lot of reasons. My dad cares, I know. He’s worried and keeps trying to call me, but I’m too humiliated to tell him what is even happening with me. I just want to curl up in a corner all day long, but I bring myself out of bed for my kids, to feed them and take care of them and be normal as best I can. I know that it’s supposed to be a lie that you can’t handle it, but it honestly feels this way. I cannot handle this life I’m in. Every time I open my eyes there’s pain and it just overwhelms everything I do. I miss my mom so much. I’m not even really functioning at work. I’m so tired, but I can never really sleep anymore. If anyone is out there to be my friend… right now I feel like you’re all I’ve got besides God Himself. Blessings to you… Jannat.

You have been hit with a lot of traumatic events. I wouldn’t expect you to feel anything but overwhelmed. I can’t imagine what you are going through.
It seems as if a therapist would be a good option for you. I know it is stressful to search for one, but it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and could use some proffesional guidance to help you through it.
Sending love your way. I wish I had more wisdom or a magic wand to help you out.

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Thank you for being so kind. I’ve asked (a lot) for therapy, but I don’t think it’s going to happen for me in this circumstance right now. It’s a difficult thing because I think there’s pressure sometimes when you have faith and you’re struggling anyway… somehow you’re not relying on God enough. If that makes sense. I wish I was just in a calm and cold and still and dark lake. Just to make the pain go away. For a little while… Have you ever felt like that?

I understand what you are saying. I believe God gives us the tools we need to help us aka therapists, doctors etc and that is one of His ways of helping. But I know all beliefs and cultures are different. I don’t know if there is a religious leader who could maybe help… But it sounds like you have several barriers working against you. There are online/ phone based therapy that may be a possible option. Betterhelp that is mentioned on this site is one.
As for your lake feeling. Yes. Mine is different but I think similar idea. I just want to dissapear for a while. Like. Not die. But just be gone for a bit.

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I just want to start by saying that you are incredibly strong Jannat. The fact that you are still able to take care of your kids in such a traumatic moment in your life shows how resilient your spirit is (and how wonderful of a mother you are). Losing a parent is one of the hardest things we all have to go through at some point, and I am so sorry for your loss. I am also so sorry that someone close to you has hurt you so deeply, that can be life-changing. I get the sense that you are unsure what to do at the moment, and just needed someone to listen and empathize with you, and that’s why this community online is so great. But please know that there are so many resources out there to help you, and whatever path you decide to take towards feeling better will be beneficial I’m sure. Please know that I truly admire you for your strength, and I really hope you find happiness again because you clearly deserve it. <3