I'm scared. Why am I so horrible?

My life is very complicated right now so I won’t go into all the details on my first post (I’m sure I’ll have worst days than today), but a lot of my problems boil down to the fact that I hate myself so much. I feel like I’m worthless and that my very existence is a burden on other people. I try to talk to people as little as possible because I don’t want to bother them and I know this is going to eventually cause problems at my job, but no matter how hard I try I can’t bring myself to bother anyone. It took me half a hour to send an email yesterday for this reason, stupid I know. I feel like I’m bothering everyone on this site by posting this, but I don’t know what else to do.

I hate making mistakes and get anxious about everything I do because I’m afraid it’s going to be wrong.

I feel ugly, fat and completely useless. Even though my family say otherwise I can’t believe them, what I see in the mirror is too horrible.

I’m mostly scared things will never get better.

That’s enough of my whining. I’m sorry


You. Are NOT a burden.

In fact, I’m so glad you wrote this!

Thank you for your courage to push past all of those lies to get your thoughts out to this community.

I see you, friend. You are worthy and deserving. Your voice and life matter. You are welcome here – this place is for you. I invite you to just drop the assumption that you are a burden here. The answer is always always always going to be a resounding: NOPE. Post as you need, come as you need, ask for what you need.

One of the things I’m most curious about is where you learned that you are a burden and that making mistakes is unacceptable. Because you don’t get born thinking that about yourself, you learn it somewhere along the way. Typically from painful experiences when you were young. What were some of those painful events for you when you were growing up?



Thanks for having the courage to share here. I know that I have struggled with many of the same issues in the past. I hated making mistakes, and it was my mistakes that defined me. I want to encourage you that God sees you differently, too. He never looks at your mistakes and defines you through them. In fact, 1 John 2:1 says, “But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ, the righteous.” This means that when we mess up, God doesn’t reject us, he actually comes nearer! The word advocate means, “one who comes along side”. Jesus fights for you, prays for you. For me, that was something huge to learn. I learned that no matter what I did wrong or thought about myself, Jesus’ thoughts for me were always greater and from love. And this is true for you, too.

Because you are alive today, that is proof that your life has meaning. God knew you before the foundation of the world was laid, and your life has destiny and purpose. Your life is not a burden. 1 Peter 5:6 says, “cast all your anxieties on him (God), because He cares for you.”

You mentioned talking to people as little as possible. If you’re comfortable, try talking to one person per day that you normally wouldn’t. It can be as simple as asking, “How is your day going?” I think you will find that, when others open up, many will share the same feelings that you do. My hope and prayer is that you will see that YOU can be an encouragement to others who are going through what you are going through. You have it in you!

I am praying for you, my friend.

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You’re not bothering anyone, you’re not a burden - this is exactly what the support wall is here for.
Don’t apologise for struggling and talking about it, it’s okay. It sounds like your family love you and are trying to help you best they can, but they’re not going to be able to if you don’t let them in. Try and start to be honest with them - if you need to write it down and do it that way, then go for it. You’ve already done a massive thing by posting on the wall, now it’s time to take baby steps.

Hold Fast

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Thank you for your words, they mean more than you can imagine.

My insecurities come mostly from myself now, but as a kid I was bullied quite badly, which I’m sure was a major factor.

One part of my life that really doesn’t help is someone very close to me. It hurts to even write this because I love them so much and they are a good person deep down, but they tend to have moments where they get angry for seemingly no reason (they actually do have a reason, they are in pain with some conditions they have). When they’re angry I can’t reason with them and they moan constantly about their problems, which over time has led me to believe everything is my fault.

I wish I could make them see how much I’m hurting, but nothing seems to work. I have literally hit my head really hard in front of them and they just get more angry. Later once everyone has calmed down this person cries and say they are sorry and they tell me nothing is my fault and they love me. But I know it will happen again. I simply hold on to the moments of normality and wait for the next argument.

Thank you so much @BShry for your words and prayers.

God gets me through every moment, but I have to admit at my darkest points I have been angry at God, even one time saying there was no God. I know that’s not true, but I can’t help but feel like he has abandoned me, like I’m just some tiny speck who he doesn’t care about or even notice.

All I can do is pray, but when I do things seem to get worse. It makes me afraid to pray.

That being said I will always believe in God even if he doesn’t believe in me.

Thank you @Kayla, your words really touched me.

I know my family love me, but I can’t see why and we all have so many stresses that it’s got so hard to talk to each other. I feel like I’m alone.

When I talk to my family we usually argue because none of us can take all the negativity, but that’s all I have to say, I have to let it out or I’ll go crazy. I want to talk to them more than anything, but I’m so scared.

I appreciate your honesty. I think that’s very important to understand your own heart. God promises again and again in the Bible that he will always be with you: "I will never leave you nor forsake you."Heb 13:5, “"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” John‬ ‭14:18‬, and continually in the books of Isaiah, Psalms, Jeremiah, Acts, etc…

I believe it’s time for you to trust in God again. He is always faithful to rescue you. Please believe He loves you, I love you, we all love you.

Hey there @solryu,

I’m sorry life seems incredibly stressful for you right now. Just remember, you will never be a burden upon anyone. If they say you are, that says more about them than it does about you. In this instance, I understand you want to be able to communicate more effectively about your life struggles with your family and friends.

The apprehension that creeps up on us when we’re feeling anxious, like we can’t talk to anyone without creating negativity, definitely sucks. If I were in your shoes, I would do some self-examination about what is causing that negativity between your family. Then, attempt a different, less negative approach at addressing the topic you want to discuss with them. Take small steps, not big leaps. Don’t be afraid to keep trying different approaches as well, because everyone has a different way of communicating. That’s part of what making mistakes are about: trial and error.

I wish you well in your path in reaching out. We’re always here for you!

Hey Solryu,

This really hit me hard. It felt like i was reading a message from my own past. Know that youre not alone in this notion but that it also DOES get better.

Here is what we had to say


Communicate with letters. It’ll set a strong foundation. If you do start talking and it goes towards turning to an argument, step back and come back later. They might just be frustrated not knowing how to help you - work with them to come up with ways to help each other.

Hold fast

Please call me! I guarantee that if you have a humble heart & love truth, then this will be so awesome! Please I want your help so I can help you!