I’m sorry to everybody with real issues I just need to get few things off my chest. I’m stressed, tired and angry with myself and where I currently am. I am tired of this god forsaken place I am living in, don’t get me wrong it’s smaller town it’s not all bad, but I am just tired of this people and poverty I can’t I wanna escape. I am in the process of getting hired by biggest company in town and I want to start saving money to create something bigger and escape this town. My life hasn’t been bad but I don’t have anyone here anymore not one single friend I’ve been in my house for last 6 - 8 months I’ve lost track and I am getting angry the only thing that’s keeping me alive are dreams and what the universe has to offer. Honestly I don’t need much, this place the God has created is insanely beautiful and I am glad I was part of it but it’s hard fighting everyday pushing everyday without anyone telling you ever done good or enough or that what you’ve done is beautiful. And I know I probably didn’t create much since people don’t notice it but still just one person saying wow that’s good would mean a world to me. I might’ve started crying at this point because I’m hurt. Thank you for reading this and thank you all for a place where I can share my struggle. I will continue keep doing me because this universe is too beautiful to give up. The saddest part of my life is that people usually find strength in other people or the things they have created but I have nobody and nothing but this universe that’s making me feel warm because when I lost everyone around me the only thing that has kept me going was God and the universe. Much love to everybody I hope all of you have better life than me.
Wow, this is amazing, is always nice to hear someone who is fighting and willing to become better in any aspect of life.
Also is totally valid that you want some recognition for what you fighting, I see you describe as lonely and if it’s worth something I am also fighting my silent wars, sacrificing what may be good for me today in exchange for a better version of me in the future. For example I struggle a lot with emotional codependency, and attachments injury, meaning I easily get hooked with girls in not a healthy way at all and in top of that my behaving patterns are way too destructive for me or for my partner, so basically I have to stay away till I heal; but I’ve been seeing this really amazing girl for the past weeks and she is wondeful in many aspects but I am conscious of my inner shit coming out and things start to get blurry and I find myself over thinking things and everything is a mess in my head so I decided to swallow my bullshit and stay as a friend for her, if things build up between us I have to step up and reject her even though my mind and body is screaming to be with her.
So is totally valid what you are feeling and I think you know it because you sound like a very intelligent person. Keep your faith in God and in yourself, keep fighting, one day things will start to fall in place for you and feel free to share them here too, we should start sharing the good things in our lifes too and be thankful for them.
Sending you good vibes and love.
Tolic,
First I want to say welcome to this community! I’m so glad that you’re here and decided to trust us with your feelings. It’s a really brave thing to open up.
It sounds like you feel like your dreams are so much bigger than what you feel you can accomplish right now. I’m from a small town too, and I remember at times it felt so suffocating, like I couldn’t accomplish any of the things that I wanted in this place, especially because I didn’t feel like I had the support from friends that I wanted. It sounds like you are trying your best to create a better life for yourself, but it is just taking a little longer than you’d like. I encourage you to be patience. Change takes time, often more time than we want it too.
I am so inspired by the hope that you have even though you are hurting and feeling lonely. It can be so difficult to see beauty in the world when you’re feeling so discouraged. I hope that you will continue to see that beauty. I’m sorry you feel like there is no one in your community who cares or who understands you, I’ve been there and it’s a painful feeling to have. This community cares and we are here to support you.
Sending love
The only advice I can give you is to trust God. Dream big! God is always dreaming bigger!