I feel like I’m not really living anymore, just kind of surviving. I don’t feel like I have anything to look forward to anymore. Nothing brings me the same joy it used to. I have to force myself to play drums and guitar, both of which I used to love, but it almost feels like a chore and I feel worse after doing it. I overeat, I’m too lazy, I can’t sleep anymore, and the nights I do I only have nightmares, I don’t care about finishing college because I know it’s only going to lead me into a job I hate, working five days a week, more exhausted and depressed than I am now. I keep trying to find answers for anything but the harder I try the further I get. I hate everything about myself, but I’m too scared to end it, so instead I’m here complaining about my non-existent problems.
I don’t know you, but I do is that God is good, and He loves you. You are created with purpose. If you give Him a chance, your life will change forever. You were never meant to be alone. He is with you and for you.
This is a late response and I hope you’ve been feeling a little bit better since you posted.
How you feel, what you’re going through, what’s going on in your life is real and important because it’s about you. And when life gets difficult, it’s okay to say it. You are not complaining, just letting things off your chest, which is something we all need from time to time. We can’t bottle up everything. Know that you are very strong for allowing yourself to be vulnerable and it’s an honor to read you.
Being depressed is extremely draining. And when you add nightmares + lack of sleep, it becomes really hard to find any motivation, even for the things you used to like. Everything feels like a chore, you are totally right. It’s like having an endless list of tasks to accomplish that make us feel even more tired. I hear that you want more than this and that is more than understandable. Struggling with a depression myself + a huge lack of sleep lately, I can relate to this exhaustion you describe. It impacts everything and it is frustrating to feel like a zombie all day long. Just like you, there are things I used to enjoy but nothing really brings any joy anymore. At best, just a sense of peace and focus, but rest and happiness are still missing.
It really makes sense to feel how you feel, also to have a hard time to envision a future for yourself right now. You are definitely not lazy for experiencing all of this though. Your mind and your body are tired, so the circumstances are not the best to feel hopeless right now. It doesn’t mean there is no hope, just that it’s more difficult to see it.
In order to get back on your feet it would be good to reach out to people in your life so you could receive the support you need. Breaking those depressive cycles can be very difficult if we’re alone. You’d probably benefit from seeing a therapist/counselor and talk to them about your situation, also eventually to a doctor so they could help you for your sleep. It sounds that there are some needs to be addressed, which could really help you to feel better.
You are not doomed to be stuck, friend. Just like you are not made to just survive. Living is possible, with the right resources and help. You just made a first step by being here, by acknowledging what’s going on. If you’re mostly by yourself “irl”, then I encourage you to reach out to people you love and/or a professional. You don’t have to stay alone with this. Your struggles can be shouldered with the right people. This community is also here for you.
It’s okay to have a hard time with life, especially with the awful year we’ve collectively been through. We all struggle from time to time but that doesn’t make any of us a failure. In these circumstances, it is more than okay to reach out for help, to take care of ourselves as much as possible, to be gentle with ourselves. Your body and your heart are giving you signals that are important to hear and acknowledge right now, with as much compassion as possible…
Let us know how it goes on your end, if that’s okay for you. I’d love to hear an update from you.
You refer to your trouble as ‘non existent’ because you cannot touch or see depression. this does not mean it’s not real. your feelings are valid even though you can’t see feelings. I hope soon you will find something new that excites and fulfills you to help you navigate through this rough time.
Hey friend we spoke about your topic on stream today! Here’s the live video response:
Hold fast <3
Thank-you for being honest and opening up, I see that as a positive.
How you are feeling is an understandable reaction to what you’re going through.
I truly hope you rediscover the joy in what you love, I know you deserve it and unconditional love!
Stay strong my friend.
You can do this!