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Im Sinking deeper

I’m falling deeper into this hole. I cant control myself when i get overwhelmed. I still hit myself. The other night i was fighting with my wife and the stress was too much. I tried to isolate i tried to calm down but it was too heated. I hit my self mutipul times and then the fight continued. I ending up loosing control and hit myself more and blacking out next thing i knew i came to with my wife above me and a belt around my neck. She stopped me. She saved me and yet the thoughts continue. My head continues to pound. Everything is falling apart and im loosing my grasp on this life. I cant do it. I need to escape it all. I want help i want to be ok. But im just sinking deeper into this hole. Sinking deeper into dept because of this. Sinking deeper into this abyss of what I called a life. I just dont know if i could ever come back from all this…

Can you get a therapist?
This won’t last forever, and you can and will get through this alive. The assault isn’t your fault. It isnt. What about your kids? They need you. Take a deep breath, and take it one day at a time.
Hold Fast

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Hey brother. All of what your are going through is not your fault. It may not be a bad plan to simply “start over” by seeking some help from some local friends. Maybe an inpatient stay for a few days would be able to reset your direction. I am sorry that you are struggling with all of this but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are loved and needed. Just hang in there and be sure to talk about it with your wife/family to see if you can find some help soon. Be strong friend.
joefor88

I cant do anything like that. I have to work or else i fall deeper into debt. Im trying to talk to my wife and i just had my first appointment for a counselor. But its still not helping. I know it takes time but i dont have time to give. I want it all to stop everything.

Well have you discussed it with your employer? It may be possible to take a week off or something to get the help you need? I understand debt building up but it seems like this issue is building up as well. Maybe some way to balance it all out. The answer is somewhere in the middle I’m afraid. Hopefully you can get some relief through the counselor. Talking about it can really help your loved ones know what is going on and in turn they might be able to help you in ways you have never imagined. Hang in there. You got this!

Is money more important than your life and family? Go inpatient and stay alive so that you can worry about paying off your debt, later.

I’m sorry this happened to you friend. I see from other post you are seeing a therapist. I know you want these outbursts to spot as soon as possible but it seems like there is a lot you will have to work through to get to a place where these actions don’t happen. Learn to be patient with yourself and talk to your wife and see if you can work something out with her that will help. If you feel another bad outburst happening have a word or phrase to say so she knows.
Also see if you can start a hobby, something to put that emotion and energy. Also Maybe an inpatient stay for a few days would be able to reset your direction and maybe give your a new mindset of things. Take the time off.
Also give yourself some time to figure out why these emotions are happening, write it down and maybe find a cause.
I know you can push through and get stronger friend. Hold fast.