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I'm so conflicted


#1

there was a parent-teacher conference today, and I haven’t been doing my homework to focus on getting myself in a better mindset, and now I’m grounded. I feel like such a failure for it now. I wish things were back to normal, like when I was in preschool (I’m in 8th grade). Back then, everyone was good at pretending, my mom didn’t hit me, I was happy. I know its not good for people, but I feel like we should go back to that. I used to just be able to walk down the street and smile at everyone, but now I have to worry about hiding my bruises and scars. I visit my mom every other weekend just to protect my little brother and make sure my dad doesn’t get yelled at by her because I’m not there. (my parents are divorced) SHe has even threatened my little brother’s safety if I don’t go up there. A teacher of mine has called CPS on her, but she’s a textbook sociopath and manipulated them to think that it was my own doing and I’m just clumsy. I tried to kill myself at 9 years old because of her. If it were as simple as getting her to admit it, it will take forever and a day. I kinda wish she would kill me, but I don’t want her to hurt my brother.

sorry for ranting like this…
Here’s the defintion of socipath, if you didn’t know
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#2

Hi mate, thanks for sharing.

The situation is a pretty difficult one, and the only thing I can suggest in this case is to seek professional help. Safety comes first so don’t rush it.

Keep us updated, love you

Pioggia :sunflower:


#3

Dude, that’s insane about your mom…to feel like you have to be some kind of martyr, some kind of sacrificial child, to take the beatings so that the ones you love don’t…that’s literally insane!!! I’m so sorry that you’re in that position…especially at how young you are…gosh, you shouldn’t be having to save the world :\ It’s not your job, and it’s not your fault…really freaking sucks, man. I pray that your family would be taken to a place of safety – whether that’s through CPS or through someone rescuing your mom from the darkness she lives and breathes…whatever it is, I pray that God would come through for you, for your heart, and for the people you love. I pray He’d trade burdens with you – that you’d feel life get lighter, easier, and you wouldn’t have to hold up all the weight of the world…that He would right-size your responsibility…shrink it in all the places that need to be shrunk…grow it in only the places that need to grow. Love you friend, have compassion for you in these tough circumstances you’re facing.

-Nate


#4

Hey there, thanks for being courageous in sharing your situation. I’m deeply concerned and sorry that you’re currently in such a dire situation.

Please seek help, be it from a friend, fellow student, or teacher. I’m afraid that there is little that will change if you do not take action; do not be ashamed and feel like you need to hide—you need to escape your mother’s grasp as soon as possible. She should not be hitting you physically and threatening the livelihood of your sibling.

You are NOT a failure. No one would blame you for feeling this way or lagging behind in studies if they understood what you’re going through. You are NOT alone, nor should you ever be ashamed. I pray that you’ll pull through this. I pray that God will intervene and protect you and your brother.

We’re here for you, please do not hesitate to reach out if anyone of us can help.

-Brian