Im so drained

i just wanna be happy i wanna be loved i wanna be skinny i wanna feel what it’s like to have a caring dad i wanna have more friends and be likeable i don’t want to know the regret of self harming as soon as im alone the tears fall, i’ve bottled it all upim the happy friend, the funny girl who is always making others laugh and smile i seem like i have the perfect life but i don’t. i don’t want people to pity me or check in on me every 5 minutes. in reality i come home and cry until i can’t anymore. i self harm over and over again wanting to stop but i just can’t it’s not that easy


Welcome to Heart Support.

I’m sorry that you’re feeling so sad. I think keeping it all bottled up inside is exacerbating the urge to self harm. You really need to talk with someone who can help, such as a therapist or counselor.

I wish you happiness, self acceptance, and only tears of joy.

Hey Friend,

I’m happy that you have opened up about this as keeping things like this bottled up can just compound the pain that you experience. We’re here for ya.

Sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot of things mentally and it’s starting to weigh you down. Honestly, take some time to show yourself some love. And what I mean by this is to open up to the friends you do have.

I used to think that everyone has their own bag of rocks (problems they deal with) and that I shouldn’t give my rocks to someone else to carry. What that ended up leading me to deal with a lot of things like this in my own life by myself.

The human animal is a herd animal. We depend on others to not only survive, but to be happy. When i started opening up to my friends about the things I was dealing with and told them I needed help, my friends…true friends showed up and lifted me up. It’s okay to be vulnerable as we human beings want to see our fellow human beings do okay and be happy.

Bill withers said it best in his song, Lean On Me: Lean on me when you’re not strong, cause everyone needs someone to lean on!

don’t deal with this by yourself. You are loved and have people in your corner. Whether it be here on HS or in your own friend circle. Open up, ask for help, and be there for others when they ask for the same.

Stay strong. I’m proud of you for fighting it out.

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Hi Nati1,

First of all, welcome to HeartStopper, thank you so much for reaching out. You have taken a massive step by being able to speak about how you’re feeling, so you should be super proud!

First of all, please don’t ever feel like you are unloved. Even though you may not see it or feel it, there are loads of people around you, whether that be family or friends, or even those in this community, you are loved and you matter. How you feel is 100% valid. I am so sorry that you have felt unloved. Without dwelling too much on personal experience, I can say that with my dad being absent growing up, the feeling of abandonment is difficult. However I have learned that I do not need a father figure. Family aren’t always blood, they are who you choose them to be!

Your friends should like you for who you are. If they don’t, then that is their loss. You shouldn’t have to change for anybody. The right people will love your personality, even if they are hard to find. You need to find friends who have similar struggles. It’s so important that you build up your own support network and make sure that you have someone to take care of you, rather than you being the one who takes care of others. It’s important you put yourself first, because you cannot pour from an empty cup!

In regards to not wanting people to check in on you, maybe people do this because they are genuinely worried about you, or they care. You could maybe ask them to check in on you once a day, rather than all the time. Checking in with friends is normal. It’s what a healthy friendship looks like. However if you feel like a boundary needs to be placed, then you have the right to place it.

Finally, in relation to your self-harm, I cannot give professional advice on this as I am not a professional, nor have I been through it, but I strongly advise you to reach out to a trusted adult who can help you get the right support. Never be ashamed to ask for help.

I hope this helps you a little bit. Again thank you so much for reaching out!

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From HeartSupport Wall: ask for help.

I hope this helps you a little bit. Again thank you so much for reaching out