I'm so scared of death

[HalloweenMaskMaker]

Death is horrifying for me. A lot of people are scared of death for different reasons, but I have a few.

Firstly, I should state that this entire thing I am about to mention sprouted from the death of my grandmother. Seeing the open casket and the lifeless body of the lady who made the best Christmas cookies I’ve ever had destroyed me. I threw away my religious beliefs piece by piece as this sudden death threw a wrench in my concept of life.

Now, for the past months, I’ve been unable to sleep at all without taking zzzquil most nights. It’s miserable. All I can think about is death. There are two main things I’m scared of that I cannot fathom

The ultimate finality, and the fact that I am already dead.

When my grandma died, all I could think about was the fact that my parents, too will die. I can’t cope with it. I can’t. It’s so miserable. I’m so angry and sad that I can’t stop time and just be able to have an eternity with them and never feel that awful feeling of loss. They are religious, and even in my talking with them about possible life extention technology that could be available in their lifetimes, they weren’t interested. So much pain, so much misery. I haven’t cried in a long time, man I’m starting now. It hurts.

Not to mention I myself am afraid of my own death. All I can think about is the fact that I will die and everything is meaningless. What’s the point of living if everything goes away in the waves of time and space. It’s something I can’t stop thinking about. All I do is dread when things happen. Even good things. Cause all I can think about is that nearing grave that I can’t stop approaching. Day by day I’m getting older, and closer to that inevitable tomb. I’m only 17, but soon my life will.be over. What will it matter when I’m 80 what I do now. If I even live that long. Maybe I’ll die in a car crash or maybe I’ll die in my sleep.

I used to be suicidal, but ironically now I am so afraid of death that I do not want to die. I don’t know what to do about all this. Please help me out.

[blini]

I am very sorry for your loss and that you’ve been experiencing so much pain during these months. It shows how much you love your grandmother and how much she means to you.
If you feel like talking about your thoughts and feelings, there are groups whose members discuss loss and grief and share their experiences.

Birth and death are essential parts of life for every single creature existing on this planet. Impermanence is ubiquitous, nothing stays forever, neither the good nor the bad. These are facts, we can neither change nor control any of that.

However, there is something that we can create. This is the world of our thoughts, how we talk to ourselves and how we treat ourselves and others. What we choose to do in our lives, which values we choose to live up to. How we deal with what is given to us, what is not given to us, and what happens to us.

Life is a sequence of moments. This very moment that you are reading these words. Life is happening now. What is now going on? How do you feel? Are you aware of this very moment? It is one of the many in your life. Being present in the moment is life. You can be aware of the precious time that you have with your parents. It only is precious because it is limited.

Letting go is not easy, but it allows your system to process whatever is happening so that it doesn’t build up. Several years ago, I made a tough decision which was essential to start healing. I am still very sad about some of its consequences. However, I’ve been feeling better about it and started to let go of it, once I allowed myself to feel the pain and once I validated how painful this process was and still is.
It is important to allow yourself to feel what comes up, to witness and validate it. Then, it will pass.

When it comes to what a meaningful life is, probably everyone has their own take on this. I share some of my thoughts. I’m neither religious nor spiritual, so I don’t find purpose in these concepts. I will never find an answer to why my consciousness exists, why I exist, and why I have to go through all this. So what is left? For me, that’s being present in the moment, being connected to my Self, and living a life that is aligned with my values.

Your worries are valid. Death and loss are incredibly difficult to deal with. Yet, they are inherent parts of our lives just as birth is. A good start is becoming aware, being present and taking a break from our thoughts. One step at a time in the here and now. You’ll develop and change over time and be a different person when you’re 80. When you’re lost in your thoughts, you are not present in the moment. It’s not bad to get lost some times, but being aware is important. You are here right now.

I hope that some of these insights are somewhat helpful. Sending you a hug and much love.

[Mystrose]

From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi @HalloweenMaskMaker I think when it comes down to it everyone has some level of a fear of dying. It’s something we don’t have much control over and the fears and emotions you’re having are actually quite normal. Believing in an afterlife is comforting to most people and gives us a sense that we continue on. Blackness is frightening, confusing and our end. When you lost your grandmother you found a sense of mortality and that’s a struggle we all go thru in our lives. It’s something we have to come to terms with and it helps to do it in a healthy way. Greif counseling is something you may want to look into. You could try to find a group meeting in your town or an online support group. I hope you can find peace ~Mystrose

[Lisalovesfeathers]

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Its good to hear from you again but your post is so sad to me, I remember losing my own grandmother many years ago and she was the most wonderful lady and I adored her immensely. It changed my life losing her as I had never lost anyone that I had loved that much and it took a piece of my heart away that never came back and it hurts like heck and the grieving takes its toll, you my friend are grieving and with that grieving come so many other emotions and with those emotions come these awful thoughts that for you are of other deaths, of your own death and any other crisis surrounding it and it must be so hard to cope with all of that going around and around all the time. One thing I know for certain is your Grandmother would not want your life to be spent in an anxious state not living because you fear death because she loved you, so I would seriously urge you to talk to your parents about arranging to see a grief councellor or a therapist about anxiety to help deal with the situation. Although you are having these negative thoughts you have many years of life ahead and you deserve for these years to be relaxed, happy and fulfilled and not spent fearing what comes next. Please see if you can get that help. Much Love Lisa. x

[SuchBlue]

From: SuchBlue

Hi HalloweenMaskMaker,
Firstly, I am very sorry for your loss. It can be a very sad experience to have your loved ones pass away where you feel like you have zero control over what happens to your family members’ lives.

While I do know that it can be very hard to do so, If I were you I would definitely try to open up to your parents about this. They definitely know much more than me about you and your family and can help you the most since you spend a lot of your time with them. You’ve got plenty to live and you can overcome this
You matter ~suchblue

[DiscordReply]

From: micronious

It shows a lot that you care when you talk about these things. Being scared of death is very understandable. There is honestly nothing wrong with that. If I could offer any advice… it would be simply… enjoy life. I believe your mindset is a very serious tool in coping with fears. Try to picture being not scared. Feel relief if it’s possible to … just for a minute. Understand and be in that moment of no fear. Try and do that more often and I think, with time, you can have a real possibility to overcome your fear of death. Just know I’m really rooting for you and I wish the healing light help you on your journey my friend !!!

[Sita]

hi there,

I found that the best way to manipulate time is to be present. If you’re worried about not having someone in the future, then my trick is the infuse as much life and joy into each moment you have with them now. This is the nature of life - if you fear the unknown end, then you may be sacrificing the present time, and that leads to regret and lost moments.

Take loads of pics, make tons of memories, so that you have those when they’re not around. People live in in the people left behind. Write some family memoirs, document hilarious stories and outlandish moments. celebrate and capture it all now, so that at the end, there is sadness yes, but also joy and gratitude for all the times you shared.