So i posted about a breakup yesterday or 2 days ago i keep losing track of time. and its been extremely hard on me because of all the promises she broke and i kept all of mine. anyway, the only way ive been coping is just sitting down and playing rust but it never helps never. I keep asking myself if i should commit suicide because of how badly life has been treating me my parents always remind me how much of a dissapointment i am, my grandfather passed away recently and me and him were extremely close, i lost my whole friend group, and right before me and the girl i wrote about got together my first love left me. so needless to say everybody has been leaving and nobody has stayed! i wake up with no notifications and when i do get one i pray that its from my ex and it never is, nobody texts me, im always the one to initiate conversation with somebody and never them doing it to me. im just so lonely, and my ex really just solved all of that lonliness, i would wake up to a good morning, she would worry when i was away, and she always every single 10 minutes told me she loved me. and now shes gone and hates me and idk what to do anymore since she was and still is my everything. i dont care how much she hates me i still love her with all my heart. and since shes with someone else so soon it just makes me feel so lonely and replaced even tho she said i treated her very good. i love her so much and my problem is im always loving someone but they never love me back. i hate my life and the only thing that temporarially makes me feel a bit better is talking a bit to people. and nobody ever wants to talk. it has been so long since ive heard my dad or mom say that they love me, and i would kill for that again. i dont know why everybody leaves me. i litterally cannot imagine the future without my ex. i cannot imagine of growing up and moving out without her, and it sucks because i love her with all i got and idk if she ever did and it makes me feel like she lied about saying she loves me. and everybody is telling me to suck it up and i just cant! i keep asking myself if i should text my ex again but ik its a bad idea but it feels like its not over. some people have said she could be lying about seeing someone and losing her virginity to him but it seems unlikely and just thinking about them doing something just makes me insane. and i dont hate her at all but she has so much hatred towards me and i just want to know why she hates me so much. i hope shes lying and putting on an act but i know its just my mind making up its own reality. i love her with all my heart and all i want is her back because she is the love of my life but i just dont know what to feel anymore and with my parents not even acknowledging my pain and just keep reminding me of my horrible grades just makes me want to jump off a cliff so badly. i just want to end it so bad and idk if im going to do it and once i walk up to a cliff ik there nothing holding me back from jumping and if i go i wont be missed by a lot of people.
Hey friend. I know little bit what you saying about breaking up. Recently this happens with me too like two or three weeks ago I am lost in time too. And I totally lost. Everything doenst care anymore. Because it was everything with her and now is not. I know that feeling of breathing your life with another one and now that another is gone and the living is not the same. And is it terrifying and horrible. But I must say in the darkness of ours life in the most shadow the brightest of lights shine upon us. And I don’t know how but I know you will find this light in something. And this light it is not Everything that you lost. But it is Hope. It is Future. And it is a Better something coming. Because life is now challenging both of us in different ways(respecting your history right here) but in some part I know that life is caotic to show us how much we need to love ourselves truly with all of our one heart that we got! And it is hard!
I am truly sorry about your grandfather that passes away my condolescences and sorry about your parents. And I know that you feeling that everybody is leaving but in someway friend I care for what you wrote I know that I am not with you supporting the way you need but I wanna thanks for you message because I understand some part of it. And I wanna acknowledge that you are brave for writing and looking for help. That’s humble and courageous both the better ones of the virtues.
And your mind will challenge you constantly to turn everything apart. Bad thoughts will come with all strenght but you can got it you can do it! I trust you because you wrote about you feelings. And if you can in someway or somehow look for professional help or at least priest or someone that could listen to you it is more than necessary. And I invite you to keeping talking about with people who cares like me or somebody who can hear truffuly. And if this not help you at all call at this link from the discord server: Crisis + MH resources - Google Docs
Please look for professional help if you can. But more important I want say that I care for you in someway. And thank you for being brave and humble to say all you have in your mind and heart. For better winds my friend @Sussiest_Baka
I dont know if will helps but helps me alot this music that I listened(and the movie is good even if it is musical):
Megs26 read and responded to your post today live on YouTube!
Here is the video so you can hear their response!
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