This is going to be kind of long and venty but here it goes… I’m just so stressed out on all fronts of my life. I’m a 24 year old college student and had a battle with Covid last September that left me In the hospital for a week. Afterwards, my dad gets it really bad and fell and hit his head and I found him in a pool of blood on the floor. He spends a week in the hospital. Then shortly afterwards, my grandma who I am really close with passes from Covid. On top of all of this, I have not felt the same since. Mentally to be specific. My anxiety is always through the roof. I worry so much about every little body sensation and just recently started having panic attacks. I’ve been to the ER quite a few times scared shitless and nothing ever seems to be wrong. They told me I have PTSD and Panic Disorder and a whole bunch of other stuff and prescribed me Zoloft. I’m 3 weeks into that and it is definitely helping but I still just don’t feel quite normal. I don’t freak out as bad anymore but my obsessive thoughts of impending doom are never ending. This is just such a dark period in my life because I feel like a burden to everyone in my life. Most of my friends have moved to different areas and I hardly see them anymore, I’m going through alot of other stressor too. I just feel so alone in this world and like nobody understands. I feel like I’m going to fall over dead despite having multiple doctors telling me I’m okay. This is a hellish way to live. It’s so hard to enjoy anything when you constantly panic over everything your body does. I have a therapy appointment next week and it cannot come quick enough. I just feel so hopeless that anything is going to actually help. I just wanna feel like myself again, in my own head and able to focus. Covid is evil and it ruined my life in a sense. I’ve always had anxiety but I’ve always been able to manage it. But ever since Covid, I don’t feel that I can anymore. I hardly have any friends left that I keep up with for support. It’s very defeating to feel alone.
Hi there,
I’m glad you’re here with us. Hopefully that therapy session is a good start for you to get help with some of these struggles.
You’ve been through a lot, and there is a real covid fog that stay with you for a few months. I know people who had that, and they said they felt like it was hard to even think, and just like that, it eased up one day and they went back to their previous clarity.
I’m so sorry that all these losses and scares have made your anxiety ramp up in a general sort of worry now.
What I can tell you with 100% confidence, is that you are not alone. We are here for you, to support and love you through your journey. There’ll always be someone here to read your words, and share your burdens with you.
You matter to us, just as you are. You have a place here, just for you!
From: ManekiNeko
I’m so sorry that you’ve been through so much in such a short period of time. I imagine being told “you’re okay” over and over hasn’t been helping much since you’ve had the experience of things not being okay one after the other.
How is your dad at the moment? Have you talked to him about this experience?
While medication can be helpful to help settle out bodies, we still need that support to be able to work through our thoughts and fears, I’m so glad you’re going to see a therapist, and I’m sure that the waiting is probably also causing a little stress.
Have you got a good support network with family around? I know you mentioned that you haven’t been able to talk to friends so much and that they’ve moved on. That’s always hard, I know that people I work with who’ve been through covid have had similar experiences of feeling anxious and not quite feeling themselves, so having that support around can be helpful and comforting.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your story with us, I do hope to hear from you again with an update. And I do hope that you find the therapy to be helpful too. Take some time for yourself to be reassured that your feelings are valid. I think your reactions are very normal and there is nothing wrong with not feeling okay, but we do hope that you find peace for yourself.
From: Microsmos
Hey @Kevin1,
It must have taken so much energy to write all of this down. Thank you for sharing with us here. What you have been through - going to hospital because of covid, then finding your dad in this distressing situation, then the loss of your grandma - these are all situations that hold the potential to be traumatic to anyone. How you feel today, the fears that you have regarding your health, the panic and distress you may feel at times, it all makes sense. After losing my brother and seeing him in hospital, but also his body afterwards, I’ve had a rough patch of panic attacks, especially at night, when I would obsess about death and the fear of dying one day. I thought I was going crazy, but given what I’ve witnessed it was more than understandable to react that way. There are situations in life that are so sudden and distressing that they leave a mark on us. But that doesn’t mean that we are doomed to be stuck in this emotional distress over an over, and I can assure you that you are so not alone to feel how you feel after going through such traumatic events and losses. These were all about life-threatening situations.
I hear that you have been diagnosed for PTSD, panic disorder, other things and prescribed medications. Do you see a therapist though? Your fears regarding your health are absolutely valid, although as STRONG as these fears are, in your situation you will receive some very valuable help and insights with a therapist. Practically, a doctor can tell you multiple times that everything is okay with your health, but that won’t prevent the distress that you feel to come up again, because it’s the manifestation of traumas that are reactivated. You will need the help of a therapist to accompany you, to support you in learning 1/to share what happened to you and how it made you feel, how it’s affecting you today, and 2/ how to learn to cope when you are triggered or feeling in distress. Do you feel like seeking professional help is something you’d feel ready for? And something that could be possible for you? As someone who’s dealing with my own bagage of traumas, I can only encourage you to be supported as much as possible while you are learning to process your memories, your fears and emotions little by little. You are not alone. You are not stuck. I promise you there is hope and life beyond what you are going through. You are SO brave for sharing your heart here today and that is, in itself, such a huge step. Thank you once again for your vulnerability and for being here. 
Hey Kevin1,
Taylor took some time today and responded to your post live on stream with some words of encouragement and a wonderful song!
Here is a link to her video you can watch anytime you need some encouragement
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