I'm Sorry

I’m sorry mom I don’t know how to be an adult at 17. I’m sorry I’m too tired to do homework right away when I just wake up. I don’t have the mindset of always having homework on my mind even when I wake up. I’m sorry I have friends that support me and make me happy and that I have to talk to them for a little bit when I wake up in order to feel whole. I’m sorry for being a human being who is still trying to figure out what to do with their life. I’m sorry I’m such a big disappointment to you. I’m sorry I’m too exhausted and bogged down to concentrate on only homework and not stray away from it. Mom… You’re stressing me out by saying I stress you and the family out. I’m exhausted and can’t fully function because I can’t stop the cycle of waking up at 4 am every day and can’t get back to sleep. You say it’s because right when I wake up, I get on the computer and goof off, and sure that may be the reason for me not being able to get back to sleep, but I never heard a reason from you saying why I’m getting up at 4 am…

Some of the stuff I mentioned isn’t what she mentioned or brought up… It’s just how I picture what’s going on in her mind about me…

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I know about being so overstressed with homework like that…
One day I spent the entire Saturday doing homework…
Sometimes my parents treat me like the way you are saying your Mom does…
Even though they aren’t actually abusive.
They are really really good parents, and extremely protective.
I noticed this stood out to me that it was actually addressed to your mother, but I don’t think you could bring yourself to actually say this stuff to her. I wish you had somebody to talk to. Who also was going through it, but I don’t exacly wish that, I more mean that I don’t know how to help you yet…
You see I have a twin sister…

Hey @alexgamer_hameowlton,

Some of the stuff I mentioned isn’t what she mentioned or brought up… It’s just how I picture what’s going on in her mind about me…

It’s really good to be aware of this. When there’s stress on both ends, communication can be difficult and bring its share of misunderstandings, which makes everything worse. Though how you feel about this situation is still real, valid, and important. It has to be heard.

I’m sorry you’re feeling like a disappointment to your mom, but also that she doesn’t seem to ask you the right questions. If you’d like to talk about it, to share about why you wake up at 4am, you know you can always do it here, friend. No judgment, only lots of love for you and care for your well-being.

I hope with all my heart that you’ll rest as you need in times to come. It sounds that school has been very stressful lately and I hope you manage to take as much breaks as you need to recharge your energy - both mental and physical. Know that we’re proud of you here for your perseverance and dedication.

I’m sending hugs your way and am rooting for you. :hrtlegolove:

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tysm <3 I don’t know why I’ve been waking up at 4 am. It’s just been happening and I can’t seem to get it to stop. Last night I woke up at 2 am unable to get back to sleep, but after getting up and then laying down in my sister’s bed (she doesn’t live with us anymore but visits once or twice a month) with my dad and after 5 minutes I fell back asleep and slept until 8 am (my dad has had the ability to get me to fall asleep pretty fast by giving me a massage ever since I was a baby). I’m happy to finally get a lot more sleep than what I have been getting.

With telling my mom about what’s going on, I feel like I can’t because whenever I try to defend myself or my reasons for things, she takes it as excuses when most of the time they aren’t and I get really emotional when she turns the explanations down. No matter how much I say it’s not an excuse she gives me a reason why it’s an excuse and it makes me feel like I can’t defend myself without it being an excuse and it’s usually the reason why I don’t communicate with her about these things. She has basically made me scared to defend myself and now I usually just agree with her and not defend myself. I still do try to defend myself but the usual response from her when I do is just denial of my defence and it upsets me that she can’t see my side of things.

Anyway, thank you for responding <3 It means so much to me :slight_smile:

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hey man
we all have so many problems with our parents which is kinda normal you know why?
we are all human beings and we are different from each other unique for ourselves and deserve to be loved for who we are
the age you are in is full of ups and downs and rough time and so different from our parents
no one didn’t die of not doing homework don’t make it a big deal for yourself
and again no one knows truely what they want to do even some people at the age of 50 change their career others might have so many careers that are happy with all of them
don’t be sorry it’s all fine
your jorney is starting it’s ok to be afraid and confused
but non of these should stop you from trying hard alright?
don’t take it so hard and don’t take it easy that much
be wise and be happy
enjoy your life and breathe every second of it like there is no next
and don’t look at your mom like an enemy some parents know the right way of dealing with their kids i know they MUST know these things already but it is what it is and she doesn’t really mean it
don’t ignore her and avoid any conflicts and give yourself and her some space
take care don’t worry
it’s gonna be fine

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getting up like this reguerly is symptoms of stress and depression take care of it

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Hey Alex! Late reply here (and still wanted to :smiley: ), but thank you so much for your previous response! I really appreciate it as well. <3

I’m glad your sleep has been better lately! I know that for me personally, waking up earlier and not being able to get back to sleep often happens when I’m more anxious than usual. It’s not necessarily obvious like having my thoughts focused on something specific, but more like a vague and general feeling that makes the reason behind difficult to pinpoint. If it persists, it’s always good to talk about it to a doctor though. On a different note, I don’t know if this could help you, but I recently found out how much listening to sleep stories on Youtube is super helpful to fall asleep. Kinda discovering it and it’s pretty neat when the narrator has a soothing voice. You just let your imagination travel and relax. Even if you’re not able to sleep it’s still quite relaxing.

For your mom, yea that’s really tough… And your reaction is understandable. It’s frustrating when something is very real to you and you know it because you are experiencing it. Yet somehow it’s invalidated by the person you’re talking to. You expect a non-judgmental view and some kind of understanding, not to feel like what you’re feeling isn’t valid. It’s hard to communicate properly when there’s this kind of wall between two people. Sometimes it’s worth it to try a different approach. Sometimes, unfortunately, there’s not much to do because the person in front of you is not willing to work with you. In any case, I hope you’ll manage to improve that in the long run. And more importantly: what you feel and experience is valid. Always. And while feeling you need to justify it shouldn’t happen, I hope you can hold on to the truth that there’s no judgment or argument to have when it’s about feelings. <3

I hope you’re doing well these days. Take care friend!

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